RELATED STORY: Like it or not, recounts are part of democratic process

There is nothing worse than a sore loser.

In the grand scheme of things, there are at least four things that are seemingly worse than a sore loser, but in fact, are not. This includes: peeing your pants (or being peed on), being hit by a speeding car, having your barber mistakenly shave a huge gap in the back of your head and sleeping through a final.

Imagine a world where if you lose a political election, you instantly file an injunction to halt the process. Court appearance after court appearance will follow and five months later, a winning candidate still won’t be seated. Even though the winning candidate gains votes after each court-mandated recount.

Not even Al Gore supports this. It’s the global warming of political elections — expect Gore to produce a movie about it soon.

The funny thing is, this all started with Gore’s 2000 challenge in Florida. But Gore lost and that was it. Norm Coleman and any Republican (see: all of them) involved in the New York District 20 race have just escalated the practice to pure absurdity.

There’s nothing democratic or free about the practice of challenging elections. It eliminates trust in the process, forces disinterest in politics and disenfranchises people. It’s the opposite of the American Dream. It’s the American Nightmare. Unequal representation, needless court cases that tie up the system and petty arguments are reasons why people stay away from the polls. Although the sore loser probably wishes they knew that in advance.

It’s gotten so crazy that Colby Khoshreza and Jillian Rogers even tried it. Thank goodness that lasted just under two hours — 45 minutes of which was spent discussing a $25 fine for charging a cell phone. No one tell your service provider, maybe they’ll start charging students too.

I’ll admit, I know a lot of people who changed their vote once they saw Kelsey Hayes’ cell phone being charged. It must have been that Soulja Boy ringtone. There were a lot of people kissing her cell phone for some reason.

There’s no Democratic (or Greek) slant to this — Al Gore and any Democrat who repeats this measure is just as bad off. It’s a sore loser syndrome, especially in politics. It goes something like this: If I lose, I’ll just sue and tie up the court system until I completely exhaust every ounce of my political career.

That must be written in the Constitution, right around that amendment that says everyone gets free bear arms (mine are in the closet).

People in Minnesota are without equal representation — thanks to Coleman’s inability to admit defeat after multiple recounts. The N.Y. 20 battle is shaping up to be just silly when it comes to deciding a winner. SG was just silly. Period.

So pee your pants (or let someone else do it!), enjoy your daily Russian roulette with the crosswalks on campus, sleep in and march to the barbershop. Our country and campus are plagued with sore losers who are bringing us down. But since that isn’t you, what do you have to worry about?

I’ll be sure to whip it around that next corner in my car — just in case.