A Canuck praises American Thanksgiving

By Nick Craddock

You win (again), America.

Canadian Thanksgiving simply can’t compete with your version of this most delightful holiday.

In terms of food, American Thanksgiving could be classified as a bounty: succulent turkey, delectable stuffing, buttery mashed potatoes, an assortment of other fine vegetables, all served with piping hot gravy and followed by a dessert that makes your sweet tooth tingle. Heck, why not serve a turducken as well, for those who want a variety of poultry to choose from.

On the other hand, Canadian Thanksgiving, well, that could be symbolized by creamed corn served in tupperware that has been microwaved one too many times. Or better yet, a turkey that is placed into a deep fryer that later combusts. Boom goes the dynamite, err, turkey, and the Canadian concept of Thanksgiving.

For starters, the tale of pilgrims gathering around a table in funny hats (which I think are the main focus of the meaning of Thanksgiving), is built into American folklore. Canadians have no such tale to use as a basis for elementary school productions.

Instead, it’s as if my country arbitrarily picked Thanksgiving because it lacked the same number of federal holidays the U.S. does (and really, we couldn’t mimic a celebration of the Fourth of July because the American takeover isn’t official yet).

Worst of all for Canadians, Americans still have their Thanksgiving to look forward to (assuming you like your family), whereas Canadians already celebrated their Thanksgiving on the second Monday in October while most of you were going all out for your Columbus Day shindigs.

The fourth Thursday in November is a better day to celebrate for several reasons. First, it extends the holiday weekend to four days, and it allows for more recovery time from the side effects of tryptophan. I certainly don’t want to show up to class high out of my mind and drowsy the day after I ingest turkey drumsticks.

Plus, the very fact that the U.S. version is in November makes it closer to Christmas and therefore, an official kickoff to other upcoming holiday festivities. Who is in a festive mood in mid-October?

In addition to better timing, Americans have fun events galore over Thanksgiving weekend.

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is arguably the one time of year it’s acceptable to watch an entire parade. The Black Friday sales provide plenty of bargains and fights in the electronics section at Target. And of course, we can all watch the Detroit Lions invent new ways to suck as part of the weekend of fine football.

It’s official. I’ve jumped on the American Thanksgiving bandwagon. In fact, I’m driving this bandwagon. Hooray for being a sellout!

P.S. – Dear turkey, I’m going to eat you. Regards, Nick.