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There’s nothing funny about dissecting someone’s weight, attracting public scrutiny to a potential problem and just destroying someone’s self-esteem.

I say that so no one misunderstands what I’m about to say. Because as someone scientifically classified as overweight (although couldn’t we all fall under that umbrella?), I don’t see anything productive in criticizing someone’s weight problems, no matter if it’s in front of family, friends and or, in extreme cases, the media.

Unless the person has absolutely asked for such treatment.

How does someone ask for that scrutiny? By basing their entire life and career on their small waist and flaunting it for the world to see because, once you do that, if you get fat, you should be scrutinized.

Think of it this way; if I write a bad column, story or generally mess up the newspaper, then readers and my bosses descend on me with criticism. Letters to the editor, on-line comments and even Facebook messages will flood my life until the problem is resolved one way or another.

So when celebrities like Jessica Simpson get fat, I feel no pity for her. She can afford a personal trainer and has the time to work out all day. Go ahead, write me and tell me that voice lessons, frolicking with Tony Romo and figuring out how to continue looking like a bimbo is a busy day.

I don’t have the luxuries Simpson or other celebrities have. You don’t either. We also haven’t based our entire lives and career on huge boobs on an unusually small waist for that large of a bust. I haven’t danced in a pink bikini while washing the General Lee. The thought of that disturbs me. Don’t think about that.

Go ahead and defend her. Defend the celebrities like the Olsen twins, who are seven layers of skin draped on a skeleton, with no real muscle or weight. Sure, they are people too. Or they were.

This isn’t a tirade about how skinny people suck. There are plenty of people in the public eye who are healthy, without a disproportionate image to make girls envy. Look at Beyoncé, who has a huge backside, and isn’t the smallest pop singer around. But you know what, Beyoncé knows that what her mama gave her is big and she uses that as an accent, not a curse.

In fact, they made a song about big butts — you know what I’m talking about.

For every unhealthy image of a way-too-small waist of an attractive celebrity, there are at least two healthy celebrities that should balance it out. But that isn’t always the case.

If someone wants to sell their career and life on their attractive body, then they should understand the fallout when that flawless body finally fights back is going to be harsh and unnerving. But if you sell your body to the devil, you better be ready to give in when he comes to collect.

I’m sorry Jessica, you could be a great person and it’s hard to maintain such a slim figure. But you knew that you could sell your body instead of your voice. That is the career path you and many others have taken.

And now, the burritos are fighting back in new ways.

Rest assured, there is good news out there — you always have a stud quarterback to keep you in the limelight.