Love is in the air and where is a better place to discuss relationships and people’s dating rules than a college campus?
Every person is going to have different red and green flags and reasons for what their hearts desire with their significant other.
The Kernel asked three students the same questions, all leading to various responses, in the Gatton Student Center at the University of Kentucky on Wednesday, Feb.11, about their thoughts on the topic with the same questions, with a variety of responses.
Meet the students
Jackson Newsom, a freshman kinesiology major, said his longest past relationship lasted eight months, but he is currently single.
Relationships are like holding sand, how it falls and hurts when you hold too tight, so keeping your hand open to others, you can have more freedom for love, according to Newsom.
A common message from the students is that romance grows when there is room for individuality, while still having the similarities to form that emotional bond.
Junior Natalia Barrera, majoring in education and economics, said she is not seeing anyone, but has been in a relationship previously.
Communicating is key to a good relationship, even if a person’s needs feel silly, and being able to work together to work through whatever comes up, Barrera said.
While the value in sharing interests stands as a key for most couples, the desire for sharing life goals was a present goal for many.
Alex Lacourt, a junior majoring in mechanical engineering, said he has been through relationships in the past, though he is not in one at the moment.
According to Lacourt, he recommends being cautious when it comes to second chances, though it’s still ok to give them.
How would you describe your dating rules?
“I would say respectful of me and my privacy, just kind of like basics, and then start a relationship and build off of that,” Newsom said. “So if we were friends beforehand, then go beyond that, or if I got her number, go from there. I don’t try to set a rule of I must know her this much before, because the beauty of a relationship is you continually grow an understanding of that person.”
“That they meet my standards or just the standards of how I approach my life as well,” Barrera said. “Things like focusing on school, focusing on career, taking care of themselves, taking care of people around you.”
“I look for future alignment of, do we want to be in the same place? Do we have a similar life plan?” Lacourt said. “So, for me, I’m involved in church and in ministry and stuff, so I look for people who are also doing the same
things, just because I know we’ll be aligned on something really core and personal and important to me.”
What are your red flags for a partner?
“Not being supportive, in your hopes, your ambitions, your goals, kind of pessimistic about everything you want to do or think you can do,” Newsom said.
“That they keep to themselves, or that they don’t have a lot of friends around them,” Barrera said. “Or they don’t try to communicate with the people around them at all, just in their everyday lives, like giving compliments, holding the door open, things like that, just for strangers even.”
“Someone who’s not willing to try something new, or they don’t seem excited about life, or they don’t seem excited about maybe doing something fun or goofy,” Lacourt said. “I love to go out and do fun things.”
What are your green flags for a partner?
“When they are able to be independent, when you’re hanging out as a group, but also with you, they’re friends with all of your friends, and it’s not a weird kind of competition for attention, really,” Newsom said.
“That they have close friends, that they can communicate with, talk to, they have a job, a car, a license, things like that, that they care about school, they’re serious about it, and they want to help,” Barrera said. “Like they have future goals and future career goals in their life, and they’re kind to just people, especially strangers.”
“She laughs at my jokes, she goes to church, she is at least someone who likes to go outside. I love going on hikes and stuff. If you want to do that with me, that’s just a green flag,” Lacourt said.
How have your rules, red and green flags, changed, or what have you learned over your relationships?
“Privacy is the most important thing in a relationship. As much as it is being one with the other person, it is also important to be one with yourself,” Newsom said. “If you have full autonomy to yourself, then you’re not living with the person, and if you have full reliance on the other person, then you’re not living with yourself.”
“To know yourself before you get into a relationship, definitely understand what your likes and your dislikes are, your boundaries, things like that. Definitely know and love yourself first, absolutely,” Barrera said.
“Prioritize looking to be in a relationship with someone that I connect with more, versus someone I’m just attracted to,” Lacourt said. “I would rather be in a relationship with someone who’s like, Oh, I really love talking with you, and we have a lot that we just share more on a deeper side than a transient sort of thing.”
Common values of honesty, aligned life goals and sharing passions shone through these conversations.
With the air flowing with love during this season, the students shared principles for what a strong relationship looks like, bringing a fresh tone to what love means.
