The Lukewarm Truth: ‘Lee Todd: The Musical’ coming to Big Blue theater



By Luke Glaser

“Showboat” captivated the world and changed theater forever as the first musical in 1927. “Les Misérables” took “epic” to a whole new definition in 1985. Yet again, Disney displayed its talent for simultaneously delighting children and obliterating corporate competition with “The Lion King” in 1997.

Small potatoes, dear readers, small potatoes, compared to what Big Blue Theater will be producing this fall.

Yes, my loyal followers and diehard fans (I was forced to write this after crazed mobs longing for my column threatened to burn down the Kernel), my second column is a preview of the smashing hit that will inevitably be “Lee Todd: The Musical.”

“Lee Todd: The Musical” chronicles the life of the 11th president of UK, from his humble beginnings in Earlington, Ky. to his rise to the zenith of power at UK. It is rumored that the music and lyrics for the production were composed by Elton John and Tim Rice, the legendary “Lion King” duo.

“We wanted to look deeper into the man,” said the director, a highly reclusive and bespectacled woman who refused to be named lest the play be doomed by superstition. “In theater (pronounced “theatah”) one must look deeper into the soul to find the true meaning of one’s self.”

The musical will use elements from many genres of music to create numbers like “Top 20,” “How can I love Cal?” and of course, the heart-stopping finale, “Top 20 (reprise).”

Rumors abound hint that the all-important role of Lee Todd will be played by John Malkovich, with Patsy Todd being played by the grandma from “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

Sources also confirm that John Calipari, the behemoth of college basketball with a very capable tenor voice, will be starring himself.

Billy Gillespie called and offered his services, but was politely declined.

“We look for talent,” said the director, “the man couldn’t coach his way out of a day care. You think I’m going to let the man who led UK to the NIT into my production? Ha!”

Regardless of stars, “Lee Todd: The Musical” looks to be a show-stopper, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Shakespeare. For one scene alone, the producers are bringing in cannonade, four fog machines, strobe lights and Sarah Jessica Parker.

So, put on your berets and your theater glasses, it’s going to be “spec-Todd-ular.”

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold