By Paul Oliva

Even the simplest of minds are now able to perform modern art in the streets. Our parents’ generation had improv percussionists, jugglers and jazz musicians. Our generation has people lying face down in the street. I call it “improvisational narcolepsy,” or the art of “planking.” It doesn’t even require consciousness.

My first planking encounter was last year at the Johnson Center. I was waiting for my turn on the weight bench when I noticed the guy using it was just lying facedown there, not doing anything. When I approached and asked if he was finished, he simply responded, “Bro, I’m planking.” With a mere turn of his head, he resumed his planking reps. This got me curious.

With a little research, I was able to locate a UK student who claims to be the inventor of planking. According to the “source,” he created planking his second-sophomore year at a small college near his hometown. While lying face down on a campus park bench at 3:30 a.m., he was approached by a campus officer. When asked what he was doing, he simply replied, “planking.”  And with a slight turn of his head, he continued his planking reps. The impressed officer gave him a ride home.

When word of his ingenuity spread, planking got out of control. “In the beginning I thought it was funny, but then things just got out of hand. You couldn’t walk the streets of Eugene without stepping on five plankers,” he told me. “Once it hit YouTube, there was no stopping it. When parents started putting their children on refrigerators, I knew it was time to get out, so I transferred to UK.”

Now working on his doctorate in art history, my source has found — much to his chagrin — that planking has spread to UK. While he does not condone planking, and neither do I, he offered his original list of planking do’s and don’ts to help keep plankers safe.

DON’T plank where others have planked before.

DO plank in moderation.

DON’T plank in the road.

DO plank in public.

DON’T be the lone planker.

DO consider yourself a really lazy mime.

DON’T expect respect.

Either plank for the thrill of the plank, or don’t plank at all.