Confessions of a pumpkin spice hater


Fallen leaves collect under a row of trees outside of William T. Young Library on Friday, Oct. 30, 2020, in Lexington, Kentucky. Photo by Jack Weaver | Staff

Lindsey Davis, Staff Reporter

Pumpkin spice flavored everything is basically synonymous with the temperature cooling down and the leaves changing colors for some people. I am not one of them.

I love fall. I would live in the month of October forever if I could, but obtaining anything with the overly sweet artificial pumpkin flavor is just not on my agenda.

When I think of fall, pumpkin patches, apple cider, haunted houses and scary movies fill my mind. For others, they wake up and long to inject a seasonal latte into their veins.

I’m not talking about pumpkins themselves, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin bread or even pumpkin pie. It’s the artificial flavor that leaves a bad taste in my mouth both literally and metaphorically.

I can see why it appeals to people because, you know, pumpkins, fall and Halloween, but it’s just overdone and overrated. Not to mention, some of the things that companies add this flavor to should be considered a crime, maybe even a felony.

It’s not even limited to just food and drinks anymore. Makeup, hygiene products, candles and even dog treats have fallen seasonal victim to companies taking part in lazy marketing for a cash grab. But companies aren’t solely to blame. They wouldn’t produce the product if they weren’t making a profit.

The pumpkin spice latte is one thing, but they took the idea, sprinted a full marathon with it and never got tired. It fuels them like AAA batteries power the Energizer bunny.

One flavored beverage was understandable, but pumpkin spice soda has absolutely crossed the line. I could defend the pumpkin spice latte. It’s meant to be smooth and rich. It’s warm and comforting on a brisk fall day, but who would possibly want to taste pumpkin spice flavored TV static and then actually enjoy it?

If you’re looking for a new eyeshadow palette filled mostly with burnt orange tones and a random vibrant magenta, Too Faced has the perfect one for you. If you need even more convincing, it will make your eyelids smell like pumpkin pie too.

If that’s not enough and you feel so inclined to rub pumpkin spice all over your body, Tree Hut created a pumpkin spice latte scented sugar scrub to be used in the shower. Who needs to spend $6 on a pumpkin spice latte when you can pay $7 to literally bathe in it?

You can even take it one step further with Native’s pumpkin spice latte scented deodorant. While it is paraben and aluminum free, it’s simply not necessary. I guess the worst case scenario would be, if it stops working, you’ll smell like a Starbucks barista working a busy shift.

Just starting to write the words “pumpkin spice SPAM” made me question my sanity, but yeah, it’s real. I sincerely wish it was a joke. Everyday for the rest of my life, I will wake up and hope to live in a world where this product never existed. I feel like I shouldn’t even have to defend myself on that one. I honestly just don’t want to think about it anymore.

Overall, I can understand why people would take part in some pumpkin spice foods or the latte to be festive for the fall season, but most of these products are just overkill.

Call me bitter all you want. It’s still better than pumpkin spice.