Student guide to avoiding UK Parking tickets



Getting defeated out of your money is part of being in college. You’re required to pay thousands of dollars for tuition every semester, often financed by student loans with outrageously high interest rates. If you live on campus, your housing fees, which you have to pay up front, could pay the mortgage on a nice condo. Plus, the university mandates that you purchase a meal plan that, for $9 a pop, is the equivalent of all-you-can-eat prison food.

If you live off campus, the university charges an arm and a leg for the privilege of parking your car in K-Lot, conveniently located several miles away from classes. Even your professors go out of their way to over charge you, assigning the newest, most cutting-edge textbook out there, which, by the way, costs about 200 bucks.

And just when you think you can’t get cheated any more — you finally wised up and got an apartment off campus, refinanced your insane student loans and did some things you’re not proud of to pay for that textbook — you park your car on the wrong side of the street on street-sweeping day and get hit with a $30 parking ticket! Seriously?!?!

There are several ways to cope with getting a parking ticket. The most obvious solution would be to just pay the damn thing and get it over with. If you’re going to do that, well, you might as well just stop reading now. You probably floss every day, too, don’t you?

Your next option is to appeal the citation, which never actually works, so don’t do it. If you want to get creative, you could always put your ticket on someone else’s car. Maybe they’ll pay it.

Look for a nice expensive car like a BMW or a Mercedes; rich people have no qualms about dishing out 30 bucks for a parking ticket; heck, it might even be your professor’s car. Don’t put your ticket on a rough looking car, though. The guy driving the ’91 Ford Focus is just going to put the ticket right back on YOUR windshield.

The most viable option, of course, is to simply not pay the ticket! The UK area is patrolled by two separate parking/Gestapo entities: the Lexington-Fayette Parking Authority, aka LexPark, and UK’s Parking and Transportation Service, or UKPTS.

LexPark handles all on-street parking and meters while UKPTS patrols permit parking lots and on-campus meters. Each agency will allow you to have three unpaid tickets before they tow your car. Once you have three LexPark tickets, start parking in the E-Lot. Once you have three tickets from UKPTS, start driving your friend’s car to class. Rinse and repeat.

So what if, God forbid, you forget to keep track of your parking tickets and your car does get towed? First of all, don’t panic. Coming out of class and seeing an empty parking space where your car is supposed to be is the worst feeling in the world, but freaking out is not going to help. Think of this as an opportunity to finally express your true feelings to the parking gods. Be creative!

While I do not condone spitting on, swearing at, tarring and feathering or severely antagonizing anyone, there are still plenty of nice ways to make your opinion known.

When all is said and done, you will need to pay all your parking fines plus a modest towing fee in order to get your car back. Someone has to pay for Dr. Todd’s new office. Looks like you’re going to be selling that fancy new textbook back early!