By Luke Glaser

It’s too cool for school, dear readers.

Tired of the monotony and predictability of the modern college class, a professor at the University of Kentucky has implemented an elective— The Cultural Lifestyle and Implementation of the Hipster in Modern Society, or HIP 438.

“It’s much too advanced to be a simple 100 level course,” the professor said, dressed in a chic American Apparel flannel and skinny jeans. “You just, you know, have to be able to understand the neo-cultural and socioeconomic factors that go into being a hipster.”

The new class has been met with enthusiastic support from hipster students, who are countering said enthusiasm with moderate hipster emotion.

“Sweet!— I mean, that’s pretty cool, I guess,” one junior hipster said, leaning up against a building and taking another drag from his Parliament cigarette.

The class will entail studies of the hipster lifestyle, including Pabst Blue Ribbon, Buddy Holly glasses and sitting in coffee shops for an unbearable amount of time.

“I’m not going to try to explain the aesthetics of the class to you,” the professor said. “It’s pretty deep stuff that you can’t define in a newspaper article.”

Course content includes finding a band that no one else has heard of, painting something and then pretentiously negating any attempts to define it and wearing scarves and beanies in any weather, regardless of how hot it is.

Grading in HIP 438 will be somewhat of a challenge, as the professor says grades and tests are simply too cliche.

“I will be grading on how nonchalant the class is on everything, how they, you know, engage in the work without being too interested in it. They will probably all do pretty bad, because they just won’t get it.”

Field trips will also be taken to organic food stores and local music scenes.

The expected popularity of the class remains a mystery, as many students insist that they will not be taking the class due to its popularity.

“It’s just not the kind of thing I’m interested in,” one fifth-year Hipster said. “I was into hipster classes before they were cool.”

The hipster professor would not reveal the current enrollment to the Kernel.

“It’s a really obscure number,” he said, turning to browse the Pitchfork website. “You’ve probably never heard of it.”

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors and staff of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the opinions expressed in this column. Because, really, who in their right mind would?