My first post-teenage relationship was a major sexual turning point for me. The man was sexy, exciting, and mysterious all at the same time. Just a mere glimpse of him and I was instantly aroused. He was a workaholic with other obligations, which made him all the more desirable as time spent with him was few and far between.

Our relationship quickly became an intense, steamy love affair. I felt so comfortable that the natural vulnerability usually felt with this kind of exposure was nonexistent. Over the years our ability to be honest about sexual desires opened my eyes to the simple humanness involved in sexuality. Perhaps this was the beginning of my lifelong passion of helping others to experience the same kind of comfort.

To me, what made this experience such a turning point was learning the importance of communication in the bedroom. We know a lot of people don’t talk about their sexuality and desires openly, but behind closed doors they still have a wide variety of sex acts they find more than pleasurable.

The Pleasure Principle: Ladies, put your acting skills to rest

Dr. Debby Herbenick reports in one study how orgasms and sex acts effect each other. Dr. Herbenick reported that 97 percent of men who engaged in five sex acts during their most recent sexual experience reported having an orgasm, and that 89 percent of women who engaged in five sex acts during their most recent sexual experience reported having an orgasm. With results like these, it begs the question, why aren’t more people communicating?

As Dr. Herbenick points out in her book , “There is one thing that hasn’t changed much throughout human history, it’s that sex remains diverse and varied.”

One of the pitfalls in any sexual relationship is when sexual partners secretly desire something they feel that the other would reject.

Couples tell me all the time about the freedom felt once they are able to open that kind of sexual dialog with one another. My hope is that if I keep talking, more people will listen.

Early I learned that sexual freedom, and the passion that accompanies open communication, is the key to an amazing sex life. So I say thank you to the man whose mere presence instantly aroused me — you truly changed my personal journey with sexuality. Now I hope to do the same for those with lack of pillow talk.

Mellisa Estebo is a psychology sophomore and host of WRFL’s Sexually Speaking.

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