Once Musical.ly lost traction, I joined TikTok like most people did.

What I didn’t realize was how joining the social media platform would affect my attention span, my motivation to do anything else was gone once I joined TikTok.

Joining TikTok led to a digital rabbit hole all too similar to the Merriam-Webster definition of addiction: “a strong inclination to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly.”

I was constantly on TikTok, scrolling day in and day out, consuming media in every form possible in the 10-second clips I’d watch. This, of course, led me to have insane screen times that were truthfully inexcusable. 

There was no benefit to me being on the app other than that I loved it. I enjoyed seeing the world around me in a different light.

I recognized that this was unhealthy based on the reflection of how I spent my mornings. 

Realistically, I would wake up, turn off my alarm and immediately get on my phone to check for new messages or updates in my life. After that, I would click on the social media platform and start scrolling as if it were the largest priority of my morning. 

I would sit scrolling and prolong my morning routine. When I sat down and realized I was doing this every morning a question began to eat at me: how was I letting myself eat up my own time due to an app that doesn’t benefit me?

I soon discovered I wasn’t alone in this feeling.

“The technical research revealed that after 5-6 hours on the TikTok platform,” Amnesty International stated in Driven in the Darkness. “ Almost 1 in 2 videos shown were mental health-related and potentially harmful, roughly 10 times the volume served to accounts with no interest in mental health.”

This only added to the rabbit hole I was sucked into. TikTok’s algorithm knew what I enjoyed watching regardless of the content I was watching. 

I was very hesitant to delete the app at first. Before deleting it, I had so many thoughts running through my mind about how maybe keeping it was more beneficial. The app was engaging, entertaining and educational at times to the point that I used it like another search engine. 

I would joke around about how I never used Google, and that TikTok was better because I found more information.

The TikTok ban occurred on Jan. 19, 2025. I just so happened to delete the app when it was no longer accessible in the app store. 

I was frankly upset and furious that I deleted the app. I didn’t realize how much time TikTok took up during my day and how much it would impact me.

I look back at it now, and my emotional temperament was just ridiculous. I was so upset over a social media app that it felt like it controlled my life. Thinking about this now, I realize how crazy I reacted to something insignificant. 

After getting over this impulsive emotional state, I recognized how much time I had throughout my day that I could use for other things that were more beneficial in the long run.

I started falling asleep earlier, waking up earlier and feeling more refreshed. I finished my assignments in record time with more precision than ever, and I felt my overall well-being improve.

Like an addict, I often found myself wanting to go back to the platform, but the appeal was just lost. I had no urge to continue being on the app. 

I was worried about the day TikTok would be reinstated. I was afraid I would fall back into the same cycle.

When that happened, I didn’t let myself redownload it for a while.

The question still lingered: “What could go wrong? I’ll delete it right after.”

I re-downloaded the app, telling myself I wouldn’t allow myself to repeat my previous behaviors.  

At first, I found myself laughing at the idea of having an addiction to the app, but after just a day of having TikTok, I found myself going back to the habits I was trying to suppress.

I deleted the app for the final time right after this reflection. It was creating more harm than good, even if I enjoyed it. 

Sometimes, I do have moments where I want to relapse, but I would rather not have the app in its entirety than continue down a hole of scrolling without a single thought. 

I may not be another face on someone’s TikTok anymore, but I have regained a part of my identity I lost because of it.