We need to talk. The four most dreaded words of any relationship. I know anytime I heard them, it was typically followed by a week of listening to Damien Rice in sweatpants and eating ice cream out of the container. But it’s not easy to say those words either. Anyone with a heart knows break ups are difficult on both ends.

Even if you are the one instigating the dissolution of the relationship, that doesn’t make it easier. A broken heart hurts, but the burden of knowing you hurt someone is heavy, and isn’t easy to lose. That is why too many people resort to the classic cop-outs.

While it may seem like a good idea to just fake your own death to avoid the confrontation of a break up, honesty works best. Here are a few what-not-to-dos to consider.

Don’t go MIA. Cutting all forms of communication is totally cowardly. Avoiding calls, texts and Facebook messages may seem like an easy out, but the other person might be delusional enough to just think your phone is broken, or you haven’t checked your e-mail for a few days. Hiding out until they give up doesn’t work. It just prolongs things and makes the other person feel even more unwanted.

Don’t cheat. Cheating is a classic move that leads to a break up. When you are ready to move on from your current flame, let them know before moving on and making out with someone other than them. You don’t have to rub it in your significant other’s face that you’re interested in someone new, but common courtesy says to refrain from hooking up until you’ve officially disconnected from your current relationship.

Don’t start fights over nothing. In desperation, people often start petty fights, hoping they will escalate and then bam — declare the fight as irreconcilable. “We have to break up because you never watch ‘Gilmore Girls’ with me.” You leave the other person baffled, thinking they did something wrong when that isn’t the case.

Don’t sugarcoat. No one is really comforted by the idea that they are perfect and wonderful but you still don’t want to be with them. Seriously, that tactic never made sense to me. If you just want to be single, say so. If you are no longer attracted to them, say so. Don’t try to boost their ego with “It’s not you, it’s me.”

We all have bitter stories about the ways we’ve been dumped. Who can forget the Carrie Bradshaw Post-It note break-up from season six? Facebook messages, texts and voicemails are only acceptable in extreme circumstances, like long-distance relationships when a visit isn’t possible. And even then, a phone conversation is in order. I know of a girl who traveled across the country to visit her long-distance love just to be told on the first day he was seeing someone else. She had already paid for her return flight — scheduled for seven days later. In an effort to be direct, he wasted her time and money. Don’t be that guy.

You know the standard break up resentments — “He just stopped calling. She cheated on me with her ex.” I have never heard someone complain by saying, “I can’t believe that jerk was totally honest with me!” No matter how awkward and painful it may be, the truth is your best bet in a break up.

is a journalism junior.