Column by Tim Riley

Sit in a philosophy class long enough and one will notice the same theme occurring again and again — balance. It’s vital to know when to use the carrot and when to bring out the stick. Let these opposing points slip out of balance and the slow road to disaster has begun. In America, the rapid evolution of society is throwing many of our cultural norms out of place. Particularly, the institution of marriage’s original place in country has been lost and it is slowly repositioning itself in extremely unique ways.

Current national statistics show two clear, overarching trends when it comes to marriage. In 2005, the divorce rate among American couples was the lowest it had been since 1970, but despite the increasing population of our country, the number of new marriages is falling each year. The easy way to explain this trend is to simply say that while marriage quantity is decreasing, the divorce rate means there is an increasing quality of marriages among American couples. However, with any seismic shift in society there must be large cultural dynamics at play changing the norms.

As a greater percentage of America’s youth matriculates onto college campuses, there is an increasing number of uncompromising, career-motivated young adults. The end result of this from the perspective of marriage is an older average marrying age. While this delay may seem undesirable, this group produces less out-of-wedlock children and forms more stable bonds when they eventually make the commitment.

But, there have to be societal repercussions to these drastic changes because of the morally ambiguous choices it forces people to make. It’s not breaking new ground to say that most people, particularly the youthful, enjoy the physical company of others, but as marriage age continues to push higher, the old waiting wisdom is losing traction. The increasing marital age is running directly up against the many cultural and religious pressures to wait until marriage for sex. Despite even the American government pushing abstinence, a study found that even among active conservative Protestants, 80 percent of those in relationships engage in sexual activity.

While many still have obviously remained chaste despite these facts, it is clear that the old rules are losing their sway. With marriage and its sexual governance shifting, many couples are attempting to circumvent the confusion by simply cohabitating together without the formal bonds normally thought a pre-requisite for such an arrangement. This attempt to get the best of both worlds and receive a free test drive for a potentially greater commitment seems logical, but unfortunately the theory is not carrying over to application in this case.

It would be nice to think that cohabitating is a well-thought out decision between two intelligent people, but research suggests that it “just sort of happens”. When this occurs, people often end up feeling trapped in relationships as the intertwining of finances and the minutia of life make separation seem undesirable on a practical level. Then as time passes, people begin taking the subsequent steps of greater commitment not out of love and devotion but out of a twisted mix of necessity and fear.

With these new land mines to love developing before our very eyes, there is natural friction developing between the old traditional ways and the seeming requirements of modern reality. The biggest question of the day then, “is how does one balance the physical, emotional and professional needs of their life with the contradictory principles upon which they have been raised?” It seems the modern man and woman must simply perform the greatest balancing act this young millennium has ever known.

Unfortunately, there are no set answers to solve the conundrum. More often than not, it’s just two people sitting on a teeter-totter trying to keep each other aloft. The balance is hard to maintain, and odds are they will probably fail, but even in this harsh reality, it still must be worthwhile to try to have it all.