By Alexandria Sardam

Just in case you didn’t watch or haven’t heard, on Sunday during the Super Bowl halftime show, MIA did in fact flip the camera off. And Madonna did look like she had been thawed out of carbonite, much like Han Solo. But you know what, at least a nip didn’t “slip.” And people, Madge is 53 years old — cut her Vogue-ing ass a break!

I will say, even though I thought the selection of Madonna and her cronies as halftime performers was a little unmatched for the demographic of viewers, the performance itself was nothing short of entertainingly bizarre.

Did you see that dude doing a gymnastic dance on the tight rope? One false foot placement and there goes his manhood.

But let’s get for real. This isn’t Cirque de Soliel. This is football. A rogue game of intense rivalries and colliding slabs of overgrown men.

Call me crazy, but I was hoping for an equally testosterone-pumped halftime performance.

The idea of combining major artists like Madonna and a plethora of young budding stars isn’t a bad call. It’s actually a clever ploy that appeals to the masses, creating the most desirable show.

Along with a mixed collaboration of artists, there needs to be a fine line drawn between production perfection and too much crap happening all at once. A Polytheism theme, really?

First, we need a big name, a pop star that everyone knows. Lady Gaga’s too unpredictably out there to be on the list, so cross her off. Imagine someone like Beyonce-talented and revered. Picture Beyonce belting some song then bam — here comes her hubby Jay Z! Everyone loves a singing couple. And we’ll even Baby Bjorn Blue Ivy to a backup dancer’s chest!

Just kidding.

Next we need a throwback. My votes go to Van Halen, Steve Miller Band or Eddie Vedder.

Ooh, how about Vedder just joins Van Halen for a face-melting version of “Jump”? Yes please. I would suggest Beyonce and the boys combine talent to perform a song, but that’s just too weird — even for me.

Now we need someone to really rally the artists together. Familiar with a man that goes by the name of Paul McCartney? Of course you are, he played the Super Bowl in 2005.

Critics weren’t too big on his condensed classics, but hey, it’s Paul freaking McCartney.

I’ll take a 30-second version of “Hey Jude” any day. But here’s the catch, we’ll have artists like Adele, and John Legend cover some of his hits, only to have him surprise the audience by finishing where they left off, taking it solo for a bit.

There you have it. A pretty awesome, yet entertaining Super Bowl halftime show.

And just so we’re clear — I figured this out in the time it took me to consume my Jimmy John’s Beach Club. It’s not difficult, halftime producer Jamie King. Not difficult.