The Chronicles of the Fine Arts Library


A possible passageway to Narnia, on the hard-to-get-to second floor of the Little Lucille Fine Arts Library

Luke Schlake

If one happens to venture to the far side of the Fine Arts Library second floor, they will discover a nondescript door labeled “Narnia.”

The extreme plainness of the door juxtaposed with its magical label produces quite an anxiety-inducing enigma. The door borders the library stairwell, but a quick investigation reveals there is no corresponding door inside of the stairwell. 
The other side is just an empty wall.  
This will, of course, leave our venturer with a rather pressing curiosity. Why is the door labeled Narnia? Who named it that? Where does it lead to? Why is the door’s window covered up? Are there books in there? Perhaps a wardrobe? Is this the meeting place of UK’s clandestine C.S Lewis book club? 
I say this with the uttermost gravity: I am inclined to believe that there does in fact exist a passageway to a winter wonderland complete with talking animals and ice witches in our very own Fine Arts library.
Who knows when centaurs or belligerent trees could come crashing through the second floor and spill onto the UK campus? The implications would be enormous, not the least of which include the potential spread of COVID from the mythical creatures and the logistical hurdles in vaccinating the ensuing throng of satyrs, dwarves, and giants.
I am astounded President Capiluto seems completely unconcerned. I implore those with knowledge on this matter to speak out.
The first time I discovered the door was during a tour of campus back in 2019. I fear I am no closer to finding answers to my questions in 2021. The door just sits there, mocking my ignorance. 
Therefore, I must issue an ultimatum: If the meaning of the secret is not revealed, I will be forced to conclude the door on the second floor of the Fine Arts library does in fact lead to Narnia.