by by Martha Groppo
Let’s put it to rest: Girls are not bad drivers, and the “y” chromosome does not carry a good driving gene. Granted, driving while in high heels or while putting on makeup are bad ideas. But so is driving while shaving your face.
Let me address some of the driving charges laid at our fair feet.
Criticism No. 1: We aren’t aggressive drivers
We are aggressive. Just not in the Kroger parking lot. The place for aggression is when you have to get over or merge. Not when you feel the competitive urge to pass every bumper in sight.
Criticism No. 2: We are annoying
So are you. You drive with one hand on your knee, which makes you incapable of driving in a straight line. This makes us car sick. You insist on backing into parking places. You use bizarre air fresheners to mask the smell of dirty socks and stale Twinkies in your back seat.
Criticism No. 3: We backseat drive
If you see your demise approaching you at 60 miles per hour, you have the right to not remain silent.
Criticism No. 4: We are slow
Five over is not slow. It’s a carefully meditated decision maximizing the risk versus benefit of possible citation points. We love speed as much as you do. We also love our licenses. We worked hard to look nice in those pictures.
Criticism No. 5: We are indecisive
Cautious, dears, cautious. There is a difference. I suggest your erratic weaving and last-minute turns sans-turn signals make you seem a bit confused.
Your risky, assertive side may win initial appeal points, but we’re probably ultimately going to respect the guy we’d trust driving a minivan of Girl Scouts. Want to really score points? He might annoy us sometimes, but there is a lot to be said for the guy driving 10 under — just so he can spend a little longer with the unaggressive, annoying, slow, indecisive backseat driver sitting next to him.