Down with summer, long live fall

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By Alex Forkner

Can you guys and gals feel that?

That little something in the air that teases us, the slightest cool afternoon breeze or nip in the evening air that alerts us to the coming of fall?

I’ve started to notice these things, and after the hellish summer we endured in this state wracked by drought and sweltering temperatures — that, quite frankly, had this individual contemplating a move to Inuit country — I’ve got a smile on my face.

Fall, in my mind, is the best of all seasons. It’s football weather. It’s leaves changing. It’s Keeneland and the World Series and bonfires and Halloween and Thanksgiving.

So many good things arrive with autumn, which prompts me to posit a hypothetical: next year, instead of summer break, let’s just take a three-month fall break — just shift the semesters around so we can all enjoy everything that fall has to offer.

Let’s be real here: Summer kind of sucks.

It’s hot. Pools are crowded with the world’s worst parents letting the world’s worst children run rampant. The state of Kentucky turned socialist and banned fireworks on the Fourth of July for the most part. Most of us spend summer inside, slaves to the electric gods that power the air conditioners and fans. These are the days to spend in classrooms, noses in books and eyes on laptops.

Fall requires no such stress. During fall, we are free to mozy about the outdoors, contemplating the majesty of nature. Perhaps the luckiest of humans can do so hand-in-hand with a significant other, surrendering to the romance lilting through the airs like leaves falling from trees. Go for a walk in the summertime without desert gear and several gallons of water and you’ll likely regret it.

The coming weather is the most enjoyable of the year, so I implore you to get outside and enjoy it. If you’re studying, find a bench or table outside. If you’re in the middle of a marathon session of video games, get off the sticks and go toss a ball around with your pals. Fall is fleeting, and Old Man Winter will be here to snatch it away before you know it.

And while we’re at it, lets throw the month of December into this newly established break as well. I suppose there are some pretty sweet holidays happening then and a whole different set of awesome outdoor activities to keep us entertained.

Check back next week when I’ve rationalized a way to abolish the entire school year.