The Pleasure Principle: Ladies, put your acting skills to rest

Ever wonder if your partner is faking that mind-blowing orgasm, or if you’re really as good as you think? Before you assume the answer is, yes consider this:

According to Dr. Sandra Caron 69 percent of college women have admitted to faking an orgasm. While only 28 percent of college men admit to having faked an orgasm. Also, more than half of women say they don’t usually reach orgasm while having sex and one third of college women say they either never or rarely reach orgasm during sex.

So my question to the ladies is this, why? Faking an orgasm can only limit our pleasure so why on earth would we do it? Is it because we are taught that sex is all about men, that as women we’re not supposed to be sexual (despite what the media tells us), or does voicing what make us get off make us sluts?

If experience tells me anything it’s that as soon as we open up about what we like the sooner we can have those amazing orgasms, not to mention have them frequently. It took me awhile to open up about what I liked, specifically with what one of my favorite long-term partners was doing wrong. Ladies, I can assure you, opening up is worth it.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not our fault if we can’t orgasm every time, and if we don’t have an orgasm it’s not because there’s something wrong with us. Dare I say the problem lies with our partner(s)?

Men, I don’t want you to think you’re off the hook here. Society seems to tell you that sex is all about you, who cares what you’re partners want? After all, they’re just another number, right? Wrong.

Not only does listening to what pleasures your partner make sex more pleasurable for them, but it’s also to your benefit. Once I opened up I found that my partner not only listened but wanted to know more, try more, asked questions about what pleasured me, and what I personally consider to be the best part — what activities I wanted to experience for the first time.

Ladies, it’s time to speak up. Be honest about what feels good, and for crying out loud, stop faking it. You’re limiting your own pleasure by not speaking up.

Men, pay attention to your partner. Listen to what they like, what turns them on and what feels good. If you’re a little shy about asking what feels good, why not try one of the many books out there designed to help.

“She Comes First”: the thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman written by Dr. Ian Kerner has a beginner, intermediate, and advance step-by-step guide to oral sex. I’m talking fingers, hand and tongue placement.

In the “name of science,” a couple that happened to be acquaintances of mine were willing to give some of Dr. Kerner’s recommendations a try. Their findings included statements like “Loved the tongue placement,” “I read it to my partner, which was really hot and I highly recommend,” “I’d suggest changing up the numbers so the girl doesn’t get used to the rhythm,” and “No one had ever done that before.”

So there you have it. God speed, and for goodness sake ladies, stop faking it.

Mellisa Estebo is a psychology sophomore and host of WRFL’s Sexually Speaking.

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