Relationships, not situationships

Kristian Dudgeon

In the aftermath of the hype behind the viral video known as  #HurtBae, many have pondered the state of romance and relationships amongst millennials in 2017.

Millennials love to talk about their desire to be in love and find soul shifting connections, but so many repeatedly end up in relationships that contrast those claims. That is why we are living in the Era of Situationship.

A situationship is essentially a relationship in which there are so few displays of love, trust, and respect that the two involved seem to be tolerating a situation rather than nurturing a partnership.

Many young people have experienced situationships plagued with repeated infidelity, dishonesty, and subsequent distrust. The worst part is that the same individuals usually go through these things more than once, which can lead to trust issues and baggage that they carry from one relationship to the next. All of this perpetuates a cycle of negativity.

How ironic is it that the same group of people obsessed with love stories are the same ones who repeatedly find themselves in bad relationships?

Far too often, young people seem to seek relationships that look cute on Instagram, but that they are not mentally prepared to work for or handle. Then, when they realize relationships are a lot to handle, they seem to be okay with playing games with one another

Young people need to understand that sex isn’t everything, and the ability to create momentary pleasure does not mean someone is ready for a relationship. Relationships started solely on sex will likely not last because of it and sex cannot compensate for other things that are lacking.

Quality relationships require far more than just physical pleasure.

Personally, I have done enough soul searching and reflection to be able to articulate exactly what I do and don’t want in a relationship. I know what I will and will not accept from another human being, and I am confident enough to stand firm in my standards.

Some of this awareness has come from experience, but much of it has come from observing the bad experiences of others.

It is okay to admit that you’re not compatible with everyone that comes your way, just as it is okay to not entertain every person that offers you some attention.

Millennials, if we really want love the way that we all claim to want it, then we must do better. Individually, people need to start doing several things before throwing themselves into the dating circuit.

First, decide and admit what it is that you’re really looking for in someone else. If you only want sex, admit it. If you want something more serious,  admit that too, but understand that you cannot force someone to want something they aren’t looking for.

Second, own the standards that you set, stick to them, and don’t entertain people or situations that you know will not result in the kind of relationship you desire.  

The Era of Situationships is being driven by immaturity and lack of responsibility. If more individuals followed the formula above, and were honest about not wanting to play games, then we could end situationships altogether. Until that happens, the state of love will remain the same.

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