Luke Glaser

Inspired by the wildly popular novel and movie series, the University of Kentucky recently finished its first annual “UK Hunger Games.”

“It was a brilliant idea by the executive staff,” said one member of the PR team. “We have to do something to keep UK fans interested, what with basketball being over now and all.”

Each class, freshmen to seniors, had one boy and one girl picked from its number.

After a gallant pageant in which the doomed chosen dressed in UK paraphernalia and took pictures with the Wildcat, the president of the university wished them luck. “Happy Hunger Games,” he said to raucous screams. “May the odds be ever in Coach Cal’s favor.”

Contrary to the opinions expressed in the books, most participants were nervous and somewhat terrified of the prospect of dying.

“I survived State Street last week,” the pitiful freshman male already consigned to his fate said. “Only to be conquered by the Games.”

The members were then thrown into the arena while the entire campus watched them fight to the death.

Fighting would have to wait though, as several members fell victim to the horrible conditions of the arena.

“We placed the Games in Kirwan Tower because we wanted to challenge the participants,” an organizer said. “So we made them survive in the most squalid of living conditions.”

Two participants were immediately killed by a swarm of cockroaches and one poor soul was stupid enough to venture over to Commons for sustenance.

“If it were between death and Commons, I’d choose death,” one battle-hardened senior said. “You don’t mess around with meats that taste exactly the same.”

Eventually, after a massacre involving the piano on the 23rd floor and several deaths due to the infamous elevators, two remained.

And the last would suffer the most grisly death of all.

It is perhaps said best by the winner herself.

“It was easy,” the champion said, her eyes darkened into pools of unfeeling lethargy that can only be wrought upon the field of battle.
“I just waited until a Sunday night and then locked him in one of the bathrooms. They don’t clean the bathrooms until Monday morning.”

Stop reading, dear readers, I implore you. The thoughts are painful enough.

Faculty and staff said that, overall, they were satisfied with the first annual UK Hunger Games, and plans were already beginning for next year.

“Maybe next year we’ll do them in K Lot!” one enthusiastic participant said.

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the ideas and opinions expressed in this article. Because, really, who in their right mind would?

Soulful rock legend Warren Haynes is noted for being one of music’s most intelligent and talented blues guitarists of all time.

Made famous for his work with the Allman Brothers, Gov’t Mule and the Warren Haynes Band, Haynes’ insatiable talent spreads beyond his shredding guitar style.

His hard-nosed, loyal dedication to making gritty music and pushing his personal music limits has crafted Haynes into one of the most gnarly and sought-after guitarists and singers of our time.

The Warren Haynes Band will be playing at Busters Wednesday. Doors open at 8 p.m. and the show starts at 9. Tickets are $25 in advance and $28 at the door, and the show is 18-plus.

So you were a fan of the Allman Brothers before you started playing guitar with them. What was it like being a part of that?

Well it was such a gradual process. I was an Allman Brothers fan since the time I was 9 years old and my oldest brother brought home the first record when it was just out, and having two older brothers, I got force fed a lot of great music.

Hearing the Allman Brothers, even at such a young age, was very overwhelming. Of course I grew up hearing each record as it would come out. By the time the “Live at Fillmore East” record came out I was starting to play guitar and all my friends that were the same age had that record. We were all studying it and very enamored with it. Then you fast forward and I started playing with Dickey Betts when I was 25 or 26, which was many years later and that led to me, three years later touring the Allman Brother when I was 28. They reformed after having been broken up for 9 years.

They asked me to come along and at that point it was really the only expectations to do a summer tour, an anniversary tour and it was nothing really beyond that but it went so well that we did it the next year and the next year and here it is 23 years later, I’m still there.

Has there ever been a moment that it’s all just kind of hit you at once?

I tend to not forget that in general. I’m very grateful for all the wonderful opportunities I’ve been given.

You can work your ass off and still not be successful, so I’m very fortunate to have worked with so many great people through the years.

What was it like playing with some of the remaining members of the Grateful Dead: Bob Weir and Phil Lesh?

I started playing with Phil in the late ‘90s and it was through him that I was able to join the Dead and be part of that for 2004 and 2009 when they did those tours.

So all the remaining members playing together was a very special thing. Of course playing with any of them individually was always fun.

You are listed as No. 23 on Rolling Stone magazine’s “100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time” list. That’s quite an honor.

Those kinds of lists are what they are — they’re someone’s opinions and I appreciate that very much. I’m honored and flattered that someone would think of me that way. I think my list would probably have been completely different but that’s neither here nor there. I take more pride in being acknowledged for all the hard work I put into something because music, it’s not a competitive sport.

You’ve accomplished so much as a musician. Is there anything you haven’t done yet that you want to tackle in the future?

Well I have a lot of records that I want to make as far as in the process of making another Gov’t Mule record. I want to do solo records in the future that will be different from any of the solo records that I’ve done in the past.

There’s a lot of people I’d like to record with and perform with but obviously the list is getting shorter. I’ve been very blessed to check most of my heroes off that really long list and again that’s not something I take lightly.

Who’s an artist that you’ve listened to since you were young and still listen to today?

Oh, there’s so many.

I think I was lucky to come up in a time period when a lot of timeless music was being made. All the soul music that I grew up listening to, Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin and of course blues like Howlin’ Wolf, Muddy Waters, Elmore James, B.B. King, Albert King and Freddie King.

Songs and songwriters like Roger Waters, Neil Young and Tom Waits and obviously Bob Dylan — who I’m an enormous fan of — and Bob Marley.

When I listen to stuff like that, or Van Morrison, or Ray Charles, it kind of brings me back to square one.

When I get saturated with my own disappointment of modern music, I’ll always go back and listen to something that I consider timeless and it never fails. That music is going to stand up 200 years from now.

Dave Steele

Based on the hit TV series starring Johnny Depp, “21 Jump Street” is an action comedy about two young police officers who have all but moved on from their dreadful high school experiences.

Schmidt (Jonah Hill), the smart, unpopular senior who earned the nickname “Not So Slim Shady” for his bleach blond hair, missed out on prom because he couldn’t find a date.

Jenko (Channing Tatum), the popular and handsome jock, was a sure pick for prom king, but due to his lack of effort, he was not able to attend for poor grades.

The two had an identical prom experience despite coming from opposite social circles.

In hopes of a fresh start, the two enlisted into the metro police academy. Realizing that where one excelled, the other struggled, the two became friends and helped each other pass the physical and mental trials of the academy.

After blowing arrest after arrest, the two were demoted to the “Jump Street” unit. This unit was meant for young-looking officers that could go undercover in teen situations.

Now the two must go back to high school to contain an experimental new drug form spreading to other schools and becoming mainstream.

Expectations may have been lower for some when the Jump Street trailers rolled out.

Oh great, another remake of an late 80s/early 90s sitcom.

A common issue with these remakes is that while they mean well and stay true to their source material, the humor is just plain outdated and irrelevant.

This is certainly not the case for the modernized and hilarious “21 Jump Street.”

Structurally, there’s nothing new here. Yet the delivery of relevant and envelope-pushing humor is spot on.

Hill’s character is identical to his previous roles, but why change something that has worked so well time and time again?

His contributions as a writer to the film were also notable and sound so much like the idiotically hilarious things we hear in today’s conversations.

Tatum, however, stepped outside of his comfort zone of action hero/teen heartthrob into a hilarious and foul-mouthed meathead who had me rolling.

Everything was timed perfectly for this movie and will leave audiences with nothing but sore abs and smiles.

One of my all-time favorite games, “World of Warcraft,” is releasing its new expansion soon, “Mists of Pandaria.”

As of March 21, I have been able to try out the beta version as a “test dummy” of sorts.

The main reasoning behind the expansion is to provide a smaller expansion to keep players busy.

Let’s face it, once you’ve been everywhere in the story of Azeroth, you want somewhere new to play.

In comes Pandaria, a land mainly Asian-inspired, with five zones added into the game.

The best part is you get to play a panda. Its formal name: Pandaren.

Each Pandaren is a monk.

Blizzard said that the introduction of the monk Pandarens shows the way monks were originally. They said the Pandarens are a way to look at how monks have evolved into the other races.

Pandarens are allowed new characteristics, similar to each race in “World of Warcraft.”

My personal favorite is “bouncy.” You take 50 percent less falling damage.

Another one of my personal favorites is “inner peace,” meaning your rested experience lasts twice as long.

Other characteristics include “epicurean,” “gourmand” and “quaking palm.”

“Quaking palm” allows you to put an enemy to sleep for three seconds by touching its pressure point.

There are new talent systems and specializations for the new expansion as well.

One of the biggest changes is that players will no longer be spending their talent points every couple of levels. Instead talents will be granted every 15 levels that are specific to the player’s class.

The most amusing part of the new expansion is the pet battle system. You can take any non-combat pet and level it so you can battle other pets.

But I don’t exactly know how that will work out, as I’m not allowed to test it out on the beta version yet.

There will also be major changes within four classes: hunters, druids, shaman and warlocks.

The overall goal of the expansion is to get players back into the game.

Most players have become accustomed to the land and the characters within the game, and it is time for a new look.

Some of the players will hate the new game because they hate change in itself. However, I am guaranteeing that most of the players will be highly impressed with the new changes and look.

It’s that time again, when the smell of fresh-cut grass permeates through that muggy southern air.

And sure, those pesky allergies will shortly ensue, but the distant glimmer of bare feet dancing on muddy lawns alongside joyous concert patrons seems to make a little sniffle here and there completely worth it.

What’s just around the corner for an avid music fan to look forward to? The season of the summer festivals.

So where might you travel to this summer? Pardon’s got the inside scoop on the summer festival scene.

Bonaroo

First up, we have the pristine yet infamous Bonnaroo on June 7-10, located in Manchester, Tenn.

Headlining the show are Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers and, a personal favorite, Phish.

Not your flavor? Umphrey’s McGee, Ben Folds Five and Ludacris will be dropping some beats as well.

Basically “the roo” will provide an accessible and entertaining lineup. Be warned though, this three-day show is equally entertaining as it is exhausting.

And since the festival is located on acres of empty farmland, trees and shade are seldom. So the best thing to do is plan ahead, don’t complain and prepare to sweat your  … prepare to sweat.

The Hangout Festival

If you’re looking for something a little less crowded but still equally entertaining, then The Hangout Festival is the place for you, May 18-20 in the beautiful Gulf Shores, Ala.

Bonaroo acts R.H.C.P, Umphrey’s and Flogging Molly will be there, joining The Dave Matthews Band. Something to look forward to about the appearance of DMB (aside from the fact that it’s DMB) is that the boys will be releasing an album this summer, so new tunes will definitely make the set list.

Lovable hippy band, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros will be performing as well. Dig their fun jams? You’ll absolutely adore Gogol Bordello then. Imagine Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero’s crossbred with pirates and gypsies. The product would be the talented, high-energy punk rock band, Gogol Bordello.

Their appearance alone is worth making the festival.

The only downside?

You can’t camp on the beach and because of the location of the festival and the noise ordinance, muWhereas at festivals like Bonnaroo, music and comedy sets are happening all night long.

“West”ivals

Still not pleased? Not your thing? Pack your bags and head out West.

There are plently of awesome festivals that are completely worthwhile.

Coachella Valley, Calif., is home to the music and arts fest Coachella. The show is sneaking up, so get your wristbands ASAP.

Coachella a tad overwhelming?

Check out the 11th Annual Northwest String Summit, “Horning’s Hideout,” Aug. 9-12 for a mellower, yet musically exhilarating experience.

Located in North Plains, Ore., you’ll experience some of the best jam bands-all while camping among the trees.

So pack your hammock and get ready because this, my dear friends, is about to be a summer you won’t ever forget.

Luke Glaser

In a universal decision Monday before UK’s championship game, all 28,000 students decided to celebrate the victory in the most reasonable and demure manner possible.

“We all agree that the manner in which we celebrated on Saturday was simply ghastly and juvenalian,” one State Street resident said. “Thus, we decided that the student body as a collective entity would celebrate the win in a mature manner.”

Students purportedly sat quietly in individual seats, cheering loudly for their team, but not too loudly as to disturb the game-watching atmosphere for their neighbors.

“Oh, dangit!” said one girl when Kansas scored a basket. “Oh well, that was quite a formidable play on their part. I hope both teams do their best.”

Police were reportedly bored out of their minds as revelers opted to stay indoors and out of the street.

“There’s no reason to gallivant about like some common rogue,” said one student as he sipped on a lovely glass of pinot grigio during the game. “We fully support the fine reputation this university attempts to emanate.”

After Kansas took an early lead in the first half, most students said they were anxious, but quite tranquil about the lead.

“Of course I’d love to win,” one girl said. “But it’s really just a game, after all. Kansas is a great team.”
Police did report a fire in the University Avenue area, but it turns out students had built one within a contained area to roast marshmallows during halftime.

“I’m just happy we have the chance to be here and celebrate in a manner that is both conducive to fun memories and the safety of all,” said one girl as she pulled her top off, revealing another, less-suggestive top. “Whew, that’s better. I was getting hot.”

After the win, police in riot gear braced for an accumulation of the masses, but instead a few students came out to offer them lemonade and some homemade cookies.

“We wanted to leave the streets open. Students may need to get out and get groceries or go to church,” one kind-hearted junior said. “There are plenty of other, safer ways to celebrate.”

All in all, the student body of the University of Kentucky was very content to win the national championship.

“We won the championship,” one girl screamed before being shushed by her equally ecstatic friends. “Kansas did such a good job though.”

After the win, students purportedly gathered together to build couches for the poor.

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors of the Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the ideas and opinions expressed in this article. Because, really, who in their right mind would?

Imagine living in the Bahamas where the monthly average temperature in March is 72 degrees.

For Olimpia Ferguson, she calls that home.

Ferguson, a 17-year-old UK freshman is from Freeport, Bahamas.

She is majoring in entomology hoping to work in the pest control business.

What is life like living on an island?

“We eat a lot of seafood. We have a national delicacy, conch, which is a type of shellfish,” Ferguson said.

Unlike Kentucky, the Bahamas thrives off of seafood. It is important for food, revenue and fun.

One of the first things that comes to mind when thinking of the Bahamas are the beaches, but for Ferguson it is just part of being at home.

“I live five minutes from the beach, but local people don’t really go to the beaches at all,” Ferguson said.

So what do islanders in the Bahamas do for fun?

Port Lucaya is a popular tourist attraction during the day, but after sun down it turns into a favorite spot amongst the locals.

At Port Lucaya there are tons of activities from shopping, bars, live music and dancing. There are even many fishing tournaments that are held at the marina.

A trip from the Bahamas to Lexington is approximately 1,000 miles.

Being that far from home you have to have a good friend system here in the states, Ferguson said; a big part of that starts with your roommate.

Fergusons roommate is Saadia Qureshi.

Being asked about Ferguson, Qureshi said, “Olimpia is a really nice person and I’m glad we’re roommates. She is really considerate of others and she helps out a lot. She’s a good student and a good friend.”

Now that you know what the locals in Freeport eat and where they hangout, it’s time to learn how to greet a local.

Ferguson told me, “We will just go up to someone and say ‘What are you sayin’?’ and that is just our English slang for ‘Hey! How are you?’”

However, there are few differences from the Bahamas to Kentucky.

When asked what the biggest difference was, Ferguson said while laughing, “I used to live on an island and now I live in a land locked state.”

A band everyone should be listening to right now is Blitzen Trapper.

This Portland, Oregon band dabbles in folk, rock, blues and a dash of alternative country.

With a harmonica greeting and familiar, Bob Dylan-meets-Peter Wolf-styled voice, this band will not only please the masses, but graciously entertain.

Whether it’s the slide guitar or vocalist Eric Earley’s humble voice, the band’s sound is reminiscent of an easier time that isn’t encompassed by muddled thoughts of neglect and weighing responsibilities.

Songs like, “Girl in a Coat,” “Taking it Easy Too Long,” and “Stranger in a Strange Land,” off the album “American Goldwing” subtlety generate a soothing and almost reassuring melody of tranquility through quaint lyrics, easy piano accompaniment and tender riffs.

The songs capture the timeless, vintage glow of the stylings of yesterday’s music masterminds like Dylan, Cat Stevens and Nick Drake.

While these songs are some of the more mellow tunes on this specific album, soul and a sense of attitude aren’t lacking.

Then there are songs that have this southern rock charm that’s both catchy and extremely accessible.
Songs like, “Street Fighting Sun, “ have this fun progressive folk sound, complete with the right amount of guitar distortion and a steady drumbeat.

The song has a vibe that’s groovy and funky much like “Portugal. The Man’s” song, “Sugar Cinnamon.”

While their albums all have a consistent pop folk feel, each album breeds one or two strays that give the band an evolving sound.

Heavy distortion and an “Oh! Darling” kind of scream makes songs like,” I Love U” give the album  “Furr” an unexpected, Wilco-like flair.

The band just knows how to experiment with their personalized sound without losing themselves in a pretentious falsehood of cluttered noise.

The band successfully manages to straddle the line of musical progressive innovation and that All-American, heartfelt quality.

Their sound doesn’t hit one extreme end of the spectrum or the latter.

Blitzen Trapper just floats along, exulting in ease, promising good times and good tunes for all.

“I was going to get drunk and stick my face in her boobs one day.”

“Yeah, go stand up there and be eye candy.”

“Wow! You are pregnant.”

“But forreal, if I had a dime for everytime the word ‘Greek’ is mentioned by these candidates, I could pay rent for a year AND buy a hooker”

Dave Steele

By Dave Steele

From the ashes of a failed rebellion that threatened the nation of Panem rose what has now become known as The Hunger Games.

As punishment, 12 districts must now sacrifice two young men and women to fight to the death in what has become a nationally televised fiasco.

Twenty-four will participate, one will win.

In a random drawing, Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) is forced to volunteer as tribute in place of her innocently frail sister, Prim.
However, Everdeen has been hunting and gathering for her family for years after their father passed away in a mining accident, and she has become skilled with a bow.

Peeta (Josh Hutcherson), her male counterpart, also accompanies her to the Capitol to prepare for the games.

During the opening ceremonies, Everdeen is struck with a sobering truth; Peeta is in love with her.

The two tributes from District 12 must now defy tradition and appear to be teammates going into the game in an attempt to win.
The odds, however, are certainly not in their favor.

Making the jump from a complex and emotional narrative to a two-hour movie had to have been a daunting task for director Gary Ross (“Big,” “Seabiscuit”).

Yet with his savvy storytelling, little of what made the book a cult classic was lost in translation.

Honestly, the trailer made the movie look like a chintzy and rushed adaptation of author Suzanne Collins’ imaginative work.

This feeling was quickly proven wrong in what was a gorgeous and thrilling experience.

Not only did Ross capture the violent nature of the story with ease, he did so with a PG-13 rating.

The cast carried a great deal of the load as well, with extremely convincing and authentic performances.

The smaller, yet key roles of Cinna (Lenny Kravitz), Caesar (Stanley Tucci) and Seneca (Wes Bently) were particularly impressive and should not be overlooked.

The artistic prowess of the production team shined in everything from the towering buildings of the Capitol to the slums of the outer districts.

The movie’s only flaw may be that it did not fully capture the dynamics of Everdeen and Peeta’s relationship. Although this could be taken as one of the movie’s strengths, because screenwriters can be a bit gaudy when it comes to that sort of thing (ahem, “Twilight”).

Overall, The Hunger Games exceeds expectations for detail-hungry fans of the books while catering to newcomers as well.

Steele’s Reels: 4/5 Stars

If you haven’t heard already, the ComicCon is coming to Lexington on Saturday at the Lexington Convention Center.

If you’ve ever been to a ComicCon, you know how it is: cosplay (dressing up as comic characters), visiting celebrities and booths galore that allow you to meet with authors.

Local businesses have set up booths, such as A+ Comics and Collectibles, as well as businesses from out-of-state, such as Comic City Tennessee.

Bob McLeod, writer and illustrator for “Superhero ABC,” will be at the convention. He has “penciled and inked” for both Marvel and DC. He has illustrated major characters, like Spiderman, The X-Men, Batman and Superman.

Not only will the artists behind the scenes be at the convention, but so will celebrities. One celebrity is Catherine Sutherland, who played Pink Ranger in “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,” and a variety of other “Power Ranger” sequels.

Nakia Burrise, a co-star of Sutherland’s, played Yellow Ranger in “Power Ranger Zeo,” and will be at the convention as well.

Those are only three of the many celebrities and writers that are going to be at the ComicCon.

The full list is on their website.

One thing to get excited for is cosplay. If there is ever a time to dress up as fun as you want to in your favorite comic character, then Saturday is the time to do so.

Who knows how many different costumes there will be.

Don’t be afraid to show up in costume yourself. Trust me, you won’t be alone.

The ComicCon will be open from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Tickets are at the door for $10.

For more information, visit lexingtoncomiccon.com.

I love the little things.

I find joy in the way the warm and scratchy brick wall outside the Grehan building feels beneath my curious fingertips as I stroll past on my way to class.

I appreciate how the sun setting on these warm March days fills my soul with an unmatched anticipation for an evening of unknown adventures but a likeable reassurance in the guidance of an accompanied, courteous and gentle breeze.

I especially love how the familiar melody of a dated chorus tenderly wraps me up in a nostalgic blanket of harmony and innocence, rescuing me from the mundane and monotonous moment I’m helplessly drowned in.

The pleasures I find in life are my moments of happiness, no matter size, simplicity or tangibility.

There’s nothing half-assed about my feelings of love and what I cherish.

It’s an honest and immeasurable emotion that I would never stifle because closing off one’s love for something is about as absurd as passing on seconds for a delicious piece of chocolate cake.

Music creates this vast and gracious complex that accommodates room for creation and appreciation. It’s in music that the most minute things can flourish to life on such a lively scale.

The simplicity of James Taylor’s acoustic guitar in “Fire in Rain” has such a lucid riff.

With a capo on the third fret, this song is transformed into one of the most beautiful songs of his collection.

The guitar paired with his gentle voice echoes, creating an overwhelming sense of docile frankness. The way Taylor’s songs project are craftily done in the most sensitive way.

And then there’s Bob Marley. The way his voice effortlessly grooves over the rhythm of his steady reggae beat is outlandishly original and carefree.

His music radiates this laid back romantic vibe that’s addictive in the best way.

Perhaps it’s the Rastafarian movement his music represents, but they way his songs resonate are inspiring and personally motivating.

The beauty of these musicians and their work go beyond the sounds created by their instruments or voices. It’s all in what their music represents and what it ignites inside one’s soul.

Music can create beautiful sounds, but it’s what we take from these precious melodies that makes it more than just lovely sounds and more of inspiring art.

“My feet is my only carriage, so I’ve got to push on through.” –Bob Marley

Luke Glaser

By Luke Glaser

UK 101, the orientation program created for incoming freshmen, has seen wild success in its goal to increase retention rates and create a more accommodating environment for new students.

So why, dear readers, wouldn’t it work the other way around?

The newly created Office of Old Students has announced the genesis of UK 501, an orientation program with a focus on seniors getting the hell out of UK.

“We’re just sick of them sticking around,” said the program coordinator. “I mean, geez, enough is enough.”

The program was created to address the growing issue of students refusing to leave college.

A bad job market, coupled with an adolescent refusal to move on with life, creates an atmosphere of fifth-, sixth- and even seventh-year seniors in the most extreme cases.

“I’m not just another one of those students,” said one fifth-year senior, whose first two years were spent drinking, failing and filling out repeat options. “I just have a few more classes to take and then I will be finished with my degree. I think.”

UK 501 will teach students who have been here longer than the traditional four years how to grow up.

Courses include “Classes that help finish your degree that aren’t intermediate tennis,” “Quit complaining and fill out applications” and
“Safety tips when moving out of your parents’ basement.”

“We love all our students,” said one instructor. “But, you know, there’s a time when you need to leave the nest. Our job in UK 501 is to violently shove them out of the nest.”

Studies show that students desperate to stay in college “just one more year” will add degrees that they don’t really care about and have a sudden epiphany in which the career that has evaded them all their lives suddenly presents itself three years into college.

Unfortunately, said career doesn’t involve any of those accumulated psychology credits.

UK 501 will also revisit some UK 101 principles.

“So this is Willy T. Library?” said one befuddled fifth-year, gazing in awe at the building whose tour he missed when he went to prank that one sorority freshman year as a pledge. “This is really cool. This substantial collection of books and electronic resources would have really helped me the last five years.”

Coordinators are optimistic about the results of the program.

“One of the primary goals of UK is to increase graduation rates,” one coordinator said as he created the “Go to the freaking Career Center” lesson plan. “We are doing that by making them graduate.”

And that, dear readers, is the lukewarm truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the ideas expressed in this article. Because really, who in their right mind would?

Retailers have finally tapped into the popular wave of reality television.

Last Tuesday the newest show in fashion reality TV, “Fashion Star,” aired on NBC and boosted sales for three big-name retailers. The show allows designers to present their looks to a buyer from H&M, Saks Fifth Avenue and Macy’s.

The buyers then bid auction style on the looks. The highest bidder sells the merchandise in their store the next day.

Aside from the buyers, the designers receive feedback from designers John Varvatos, Nicole Richie and Jessica Simpson.

Unlike similar fashion reality TV shows like “Project Runway,” “Fashion Star” offers both customers and retailers a key aspect in the fashion business: instant gratification.

“Fashion Star” gives viewers the opportunity to purchase the merchandise selected by the buyers both online and in stores the day after the show airs each week.

Although the show only received 4.6 million viewers during its premiere, all three retailers were pleased to sellout within hours of making the merchandise available.

“Sales of ‘Fashion Star’ merchandise exceeded expectations,” Macy’s spokesperson Holly Thomas said in a Forbes blog post.

This week’s episode is expected to draw in more viewers and hopefully another round of sellouts for the retailers.

You can tune into “Fashion Star” on Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. on NBC.

A 7-piece indie folk band hailing from Iceland may not immediately sound like your cup of tea.

It’s understandable that not all of you are frenziedly lacing up your shoes, grabbing your puffer jackets and heading to your local music store, flipping frantically through the Icelandic CD section, all the while gripping this article as if it was some epic almanac of musical genius, like the map the gang from The Goonies used to find One-Eyed Willy’s long-lost pile of shiny gold and priceless gems.

Makes total sense, really.

But this band, Seabear, really captures something different that’s totally worth checking out.

This Icelandic gem of a band originally started off as the solo project of Sindri Már Sigfússon. After some performances in 2003, the project began to grow, eventually blossoming into the 7-piece band it is today.

Sure, the group might not be from this country, but their sound is about as foreign as peanut butter.

Seabear’s sound is electrically exciting and wildly curious, making the listening experience an adventure in itself.

Slower songs like “Hospital Bed” beautifully blend a very romantic violin, with a steadily progressive synthesized drumbeat, creating a unique presentation of two uncommonly acquainted sounds.

This consistent bond between old and new sounds is something that’s not only common throughout their tunes, but also performed with much ease and aptitude.

Seabear’s overall sound is easy to listen to but never lacking whimsical creativity.

The band’s sound is reminiscent of Sufjan Stevens’ musical style. Their ability to combine sweet sounds with a modern twist and distortion makes listening to their music an effortless and enjoyable change of pace.

What’s so admirable about Seabear is their successful attempt at creating eclectic music with a likeable flair.

So many modern musicians experiment with music in a noble attempt to capture something new but unfortunately, swing and miss, producing unmatched sounds.

Luckily, Seabear really got it right.

Check out the band’s second album, “We Built a Fire.” The album’s evolving mood will provide both an interesting and delightful listening experience.

“I don’t gotta buy flowers; I don’t gotta buy chocolates. I’m keepin’ that woman.”

“I can’t date you. You’re my professor!”

“Midnight strikes, and it’s just us and vampires.”

“Do you ever think that inanimate objects are mocking you.”

“He cool as shit. He’s a total bro”

Overhear something funnier than this? Tweet it to us @kykernel with #catsmeow, or email us at features@kykernel.com. We’ll publish the best, worst and funniest of UK quotes.

Dave Steele

By Dave Steele

Set in Hollywood during the roaring ’20s, “The Artist” is a silent film — about silent films.

Superstar George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is relishing his fame and fortune in the industry. Crowds line the block to see his latest pictures.

After the flashy premiere of his latest film, a beautiful and giddy fan hoping for an autograph crosses Valentin’s path. When he sees her, he graciously offers an opportunity to pose for pictures. Unable to contain her excitement, she kisses him on the cheek just before the press snap the picture.

With the entire film industry pondering the identity of this girl, the driven Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo) takes it upon herself to use the buzz as a springboard for her acting career. With the advice and connections of the famous Valentin at her disposal, Miller rises quickly in the silent movie scene.

However, during the peak of their fame, the new technology of sound begins to take Hollywood by storm. Miller embraces the new direction, while the arrogant Valentin refuses to change his style. The two actors head in completely opposite directions in terms of success when Miller’s career begins to completely overshadow Valentin’s.

When “The Artist” began, I was completely immersed in the time period it portrayed. The older 4:3 aspect ratio, combined with the black and white film immediately set the tone for that authentic ’20s feel.

The film’s silence was such a different experience because the story’s delivery relied entirely on how the exaggerated facial expressions of the actors flowed with the speed and intensity of the orchestra’s score.

This pulled me into a completely new state of “attention to detail,” because I was forced to focus on this different method of delivery.

The result was truly incredible to say the least. It opened up so many doors of appreciation that today’s movies have suffocated with special effects and over-production.

Director and writer Michel Hazanavicius certainly did his homework. It truly felt like watching a film that was made 70 years ago. The fact that this film was made in 35 days makes him more than worthy of the Best Director Oscar.

The performances by Dujardin and Bejo also earned them the well-deserved nominations of Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress at the Academy Awards.

Dujardin’s performance was so convincing that it also earned him the Oscar.

In the end, the authentic delivery of the times through the acting and production made this the most enjoyable movie of the year for me.

The Academy had a similar experience with the film and awarded it Best Picture at the 84th Academy Awards.

I highly recommend seeing it at The Kentucky Theater while the it is still in its re-release. I’m so glad I did.

Steele’s Reels: 5/5 Stars

“MLB 12: The Show” hits the shelves on Tuesday for PlayStation.

There was a lot of criticism over last year’s “MLB 11: The Show” and I hope PlayStation has made those changes.

“MLB 11” had major glitches in the new fielding and analog system created to compete with “MLB 2K” and barely ever used Move as advertised and quite honestly didn’t seem like it was made by people who have ever played baseball.

This year, PlayStation promises it uses Move to its full capacity. That means this would be the first game the console used to its full capacity.

Move would be used in hitting, pitching, base running and fielding, whereas last year it was only used in the “Home Run Derby” mode.

The game will be completely playable solely on Move, but if you don’t have Move, don’t worry, the designers seemed to fix the bugs for the standard controller.

“The Show” has always surpassed its counterpart, “MLB 2K.”

This year, “MLB 12: The Show” keeps the distance of superiority when in comparison to “MLB 2K12.”

In one way, “The Show” continues to increase the graphics and the “2K” games have been in a standstill for years. “The Show” is visually stunning and crisp. And “The Show” surpasses “MLB 2K12” in the aspect of the baseball. When the player comes up to the plate, the ball that is hit actually moves the way it is projected.

In “MLB 2K12,” the baseball moves in a straight-line fashion, not giving an accurate depiction of the game itself.

Despite my ranting against “2K12,” it does have a step up on “The Show.”

“2K12” uses real time commentary by John Kruk, a well-known figure in the baseball community, and the analysts are in sync with each other.

In “The Show” Matt Vasgersian has been the commentator, but instead of giving actual commentary on the game being played, he rambles and the commentators appear to speak separately rather than together as a joint commentating team.

Despite this one, proposed flaw of this year’s “The Show,” I believe it will truly live up to the expectations it has gained.

“The Show” continues to make improvements every year, and this year shouldn’t disappoint.

Kayla Pickrell

By Kayla Pickrell

Students, faculty and alumni took the stage together in the opening weekend of “August: Osage County.”

The play is about a family in disarray with more secrets than they can keep up with.

When a family member goes missing, the rest of the family is thrown together in a cramped house being forced to communicate.

“Usually (the Department of Theatre) spends time with the older shows,” Elizabeth Greenfield, assistant stage manager, said. “This is one of the newer plays, so the audience response was unprecedented.”

The actors did a tremendous job  keeping in character. When the role required the actor to smoke a cigarette, the actor was smoking a cigarette not even ten feet from the audience.

The detail in the set design was the most important aspect of the play.

The television was plugged into the cable so that when the actor had to turn on the television, it was actually on.

When the family was sitting down for dinner, the audience could actually smell the food they were eating.

“We’ve all been at awkward family dinners,” Greenfield said.

The audience physically tensed up when the drama unfolded, and that in and of itself proved the engagement of the audience.

“The performance was thrilling and many folks are saying it was the best play they have seen on the Guignol stage,” Nancy Jones, chairman of the Department of Theatre, said. “We sold out every show.”

The cast looked as if they have really grown into the parts they play.  The audience could relate to the characters within the play.
“We had to learn how to become our characters, physically and mentally,” Michael Sheehy, student actor playing Bill Fordham, said. “It is definitely a bridge each of us had to cross.”

The first weekend of “August: Osage County” was a success, bringing in alumni, professors and students together to celebrate the Department of Theatre’s accomplishments.

“We were all really excited that both younger and older audiences enjoyed the show; they were all responding with laughter, etc. It makes everything worth it,” Greenfield said. “They even told me that they have never wanted intermission to be shorter.”

Luke Glaser

Yesterday on the fields surrounding William T. Young library, Greeks and non-Greeks finally settled their differences in a vicious, bloody massacre.

After a series of scathing columns written to the newspaper, and responses vehemently defending the Greek life institutions, all parties decided it would be much more efficient to gather together and engage in warfare and mass slaughter.

“Greek life on campus has contributed to UK in a variety of philanthropic, cultural and diverse manners,” said one Greek student, as he pummeled a non-Greek with a nail-embedded hammer. “We raise money for charities, work hard for our grades, and promote leadership and other quality values on campus.”

The battle, which began as a light skirmish, soon erupted into a mass engagement of catastrophic proportions, as non-Greeks began arriving from across campus on scooters and skateboards to wage war against their adversaries.

The battle initially looked to favor the non-Greeks, as they had the ability to carry more weapons in the multitude of pockets provided by their cargo shorts.

Sources also report that the Greeks were impeded by the fact that they pre-gamed for the event.

The tides began to turn though, as more Greeks came into the battle after completing their studying and community service.

“It was pretty easy,” said one blood-soaked Greek, shining gloriously in the heat of battle. “You don’t treat them like the enemy. You just have to treat them like they are pledges you have to haze.”

As the battle grew and spread around the library, the Greeks were sent reeling by hand grenades they had assumed were hacky-sacks.

“We’re just better people,” said one self-proclaimed “GDI,” hoisting the head of one of his enemies as a sanguineous trophy. “We don’t force our friends to drink. I don’t think it’s friendship if you have to pay for it.”

Just when all seemed lost for the Greeks, when their non-fraternal adversaries seemed on the brink of victory, the fratty warriors were saved by an unexpected reinforcement.

Sororities all around campus came to support the war effort in a variety of ways, including decorating coolers, weapons and chanting adorable cheers for their side.

“I just wanted to support my boyfriend,” said one sorority girl, sporting a lovely blue sun dress and Lilly Pulitzer purse. “And I spent hours decorating his flame-thrower. He better like it.”

No clear victor has been decided as of yet.

In the end, bodies riddling a once peaceful valley, the two sides parted ways, the Greeks to participate in a celebratory theme party
and the non-Greeks a recreational game of ultimate Frisbee.

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors and staff of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the ideas and opinions expressed in this article. Because, really, who in their right mind would?

Music Columnist Alexandria Sardam interviewed mandolinist Jeff Austin of the Yonder Mountain String Band, a bluegrass group from Colorado that’s playing at Buster’s Wednesday evening.

Bluegrass band Yonder Mountain String Band treks their way to Lexington for another anticipated performance at Busters Billiards & Backroom this evening. Wednesday February 29,  2012. Fusing familiar folk harmonies with high-energy mandolin and banjo jams, YMSB generates the most wildly heartfelt music you’ve heard in a long time. The boys aim to please with varying influences of rock, blues and country.  Jeff Austin, mandolin player and vocalist, shares his insightful and equally entertaining perspective on crazy fans, dropping out of college and how the band’s next CD is their best yet.

Buster’s will be your 16th stop of the Cabin Fever Tour. Have you guys acquired any funny stories from the road so far?
JA: [Laughs] Oh you know what, completely honest, it’s just been a pretty mellow trip. It’s been a pretty, pretty mellow, you know the crazy lazy days of summer have passed us by, by a few years. [At this point I am instantly intrigued by Austin’s honest attempt at racking his brain for a shred of an entertaining story. His tone reecks of surprise that he can’t find a story.] I’m trying to think, if I can think of one, but the fact that I can’t even think of one is pretty tell-tale that it’s been pretty, pretty mellow. Early to bed, early rise kind of tour. It’s been no crazy late-night Waffle House experiences or naked guys on stage, you know, with the exception of our bass player.

Clearly you haven’t been to Kentucky yet. I’m hoping that will change for you a little bit.
JA: Oh! You guys always deliver. I have one from last year there where this woman ended up backstage who was just crazy. She was bat-shit crazy and wasted. And when we told her she had to leave she was not psyched with us and it was like an episode of “Springer” — she completely snapped. I thought she was going to throw a chair and shit. It was, ”We don’t know you. It’s not a friend that’s even wasted. We don’t know you. Please leave.” [Austin’s a performer. He replies with such candid charm that it’s hard not to get lost in his story.]

So the band has been jamming together for a while, you all have different sounds. Your influences are completely different from Dave’s (Johnston, Banjo player), from the rest of the band.
JA: Oh yeah.

How do you guys stay true to your personalized style while still meshing with the entire band’s style?
JA: Well you know, I think to answer your question by just using the question, it’s the fact that we are still individuals, that’s what allows us to be that Yonder Mountain sound. That’s what it is. You know I think, [pause] I don’t know, if we started listening to the same music that might change. But the fact that we do all come from those kinds of different backgrounds and stuff, that’s what keeps it kind of fresh, you know? That’s what keeps it moving along. And that’s also what keeps our interest in creating our own sound developing because we all listen to such a wide array of music that I think it really comes down to the point of, um,  just really comes down to the point of being aware that we want to just keep making music that sounds just like ourselves. You know.  [Pause] Very strange answer I apologize. Best I got. [Even in his response, he is critical and thorough.] 

What can the fans look forward to on this upcoming album? You guys are always unpredictable. What can we look forward to?
JA: You know, I’ll tell you what, looking at the material that will more than likely end up on this record, we actually had a huge moment today where we went and checked a place out and got a great vibe about a possible place to make the record. We think this is the strongest batch of material that we’ve ever compiled. I really, I really believe that. I mean we’ve been a band for all of, it’ll be 14 years this year and I just feel [pauses and takes a deep breath as if to catch up with his own words] the personal experience we’ve gone through and the fact that what we’ve acknowledged marriages, divorces, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, babies, you know families growing and stuff. It’s, you know um, I won’t speak of myself, because it’s horribly egotistical but I love me. [Laughs] No I’m kidding. The material that the other guys are turning out, I just think it’s the strongest stuff they’ve ever done. It’s just, it’s just, [lets out a relieved sigh] it’s such a different personality to it and the stuff that I’m writing, I’m hoping it’s going to come across the same way. You know, yeah that’s how I feel, trust that-that this is going to be the strongest one yet. And we’ve also made an effort. At this point we really know what we want. That’s why we’ve been so delayed in making it.

In your band bio, something you said really struck me. You said you went to college and thankfully dropped out than less than a year later. You also said that it was still one of the best decisions you’ve ever made. Obviously it turned out well for you, but in those moments before stardom, when you guys were still trying to figure out your way in the music world, how did you find the strength to persevere?                                          
JA: [replies instinctively] Because it’s what I have to do. I have to make music. It’s like having to cook, I have to get in the kitchen and make food. I’ll be on the road, this is the third week, and I’m going nuts- I haven’t gotten near a kitchen and it’s driving me crazy. But as far as music, if I didn’t sing or play, or make music-in full disclosure to stand on a stage in front of people and give them myself and see something from them, I’m wired that way. I need it. I’m wired that way and I really need it.

Of all the ups and downs I’ve had in my life, bad girlfriends, ex-wives and bad habits and this and that and everything, for me it keeps me sane and grounded. It keeps me happy. And I openly admit that. It’s something I really need. I also have a strong belief in myself, strong belief in what I do and not in an egotistical way. I don’t like to fail at anything. I don’t like to fail at making a pizza. [Laughs] You know I’ll be dammed if I’m going to, you know, when this band got together, some people go, within the organization with this or that, “Oh you know, I never thought that this would be happening.” And I look at them and I tell them, “Oh, I did. I totally did.” Because first you’ve got to believe in yourself, then you’ve got to believe in the people that are around you, and I did both of these things. And I said, “We’re not going to fail.”

I am willing to believe so strongly in what we have here. And the band that’s together and the people we’ve got with us. I’m just really [pauses] I just really, I don’t know, I just had a vibe from the beginning I saw when I first started playing with Dave. There was just something to the emotion that was translated meeting him, and when we met Ben [Ben Kaufmann-upright bass] and Adam [Adam Aijala-guitar], they had the same emotion and translated it to people. The transfer of energy was kind of undeniable. And I when I dropped out of college it was the case of “oh shit,” I was supposed to be the kid in high school who- I won all the awards. And won all the accolades, and I won this and that and I was going to be the next Broadway Star, and the next blah, blah, blah and this and that. And when I listened to my own dialogue, and I listened to my own words and my heart and I said, “Maybe you want to try a different path-maybe you want to try playing live music in front of people. Why don’t you go try that?”

And, you know, if I hadn’t dropped out of college, I probably wouldn’t have graduated anyway, because the school I went to had a lot of placement before you graduated. I mean I had offers from Disney, I had offers from, you know, the summer stock theatre, and this one and that one and right before I decided to leave, I was doing auditions and stuff and they were going to set up a pretty cool path, you know, and uh [Long pause], I hadn’t of dropped out, I wouldn’t have ended up here. Wouldn’t have ended up in this moment.

You do countless interviews. You talk about everything, you answer what people want you answer. What’s somethingthat hasn’t been asked and is there something that you’d like to mention or talk about that you just never get a chance to? Now’s your time.
JA: [Pause] Ummm

Not to put you on the spot or anything. 
JA: [Laughs] War man, war man. [Breathes heavily] War. No, I don’t want to be asked about war, I don’t want to be asked about politics, I don’t want to be asked- [breaks into laughter mid-sentence]- but what do I want to be asked? Gosh wow, I’m such a huge food freak I just immediately go there. But I think, um, I really think our bands furthering involvement, continuing involvement, and our growing involvement with bringing awareness to childhood cancer. I know that’s kind of a heavy thing, that might not be expected but you know we lost a very dear friend to the band from it and she’s been gone, she passed last year in July, early July. And uh, a friend of ours, she [inaudible] up the St. Baldrick’s foundation and we’re going to participate in this and the guys are so spirited about it and so interested in being a positive energy towards it that I’m wanting to start organizing at least one of those a tour, if not more. You know I um, know just to keep her fire alive. You know? Just to keep her fire alive. Just to keep her energy moving. And that’s uh, really important to me.

And she passed the week before she turned four. And I’m going to be 38 this year and I thought, “I’m going to be dammed if I let her energy go to waste.” So I need to. I need to speak for her and I need to act for her because she doesn’t have a chance. Her energy will inspire people, but people have to speak for her. And people have to act for her. And uh, [pause] that’s what I intend to do. There’s a side of us a lot of people don’t see, I mean a lot of people think, “Wow, Yonder set another bar record. Yonder did this and Yonder was up late, or Yonder this and that,” you know? Yeah, but we give a [pauses] we give a shit too. [Laughs]

I appreciate that and I think the fans really get to see that, especially in your music when everyone is so passionate about it.
JA: Well you know I mean, like I said, I got no choice. I’m wired one way. And [laughs] I’m glad I don’t have to be anything but myself. It’s pretty satisfying.

For more information on the St. Baldrick’s foundation visit http://www.stbaldricks.org/

For ticket information visit www.bustersbb.com

Doors 7pm Show 8pm  $17.50 adv. $20 dos 18+

Spring break is just one week away, and suitcases will soon begin getting packed and ready for fun, sun and things not to be mentioned.

Although you may think you are ready to take on the events yet to come on your sandy “vacay,” you may want to reconsider the items set aside to tag along in your suitcase.

Every beachy-type vacation requires the staples: cute bathing suit, sandals, beach tote, sunglasses, floppy hat, sunscreen, cover-up, cute beach towel … you get the idea.

But having the staple items doesn’t always accommodate your last minute needs. You know, the ones you didn’t expect to run into over spring break. No fun.

I will not be enjoying sandy beaches and excess amounts of vitamin D this spring break. However, I am familiar with the feeling of not thinking to pack something that would have obviously made sense (in retrospect).

It was out of my kind heart that I decided to search the forever informative World Wide Web for beauty items many of us girls will find to make their spring break just a little more flawless.

Upon completion of my search I found the following five items, all under $30, to be the most fitting:

Water-resistant sunscreen and foundation: I know it sounds weird, but I can definitely see the practicality of it. Some find it necessary to wear makeup to the beach, and why not apply a 2-in-1? The Shiseido Sun Protection Stick Foundation is $27 and can be found on sephora.com.

Hair treatment sheets or hydrating kit: After being in the pool and/or ocean over a span of seven days, your hair is bound to be in serious need of moisturization. Often times, the shampoo and conditioners provided by hotels tend to dry out hair and are more harmful than helpful. Look for a hydration kit for hair or Ted Gibson’s hair sheet treatment ($15) that claims to moisturize, strengthen and restore shine.

On-the-go nail polish: Bright, colorful nails are perfect for spring break, but who wants to pack and carry multiple polishes that will most likely break in your luggage? Try Sally Hansen’s Color Quick Fast Dry Nail Pen for just $4. Not only does the polish dry faster than regular nail polish, but it is easy to toss in your beach bag and won’t break.

Power face mask: Long days and even longer nights, plus hours and hours in the sun are bound to take a toll on your skin, especially your face. Avoid puffiness and dry skin with Sephora’s Hydrogel Power Mask ($6).

Water resistant bronzer: Although some enjoy the challenge of “who can lie out in the sun the longest,” others enjoy being in the sun just long enough to achieve the “sun glow” look. Bronzer is the perfect way to enhance the glow you worked to achieve. Target sells Jemma Kidd’s Show Stopper Water Resistant Bronzer for $23, and it seems to have received great feedback on target.com.

Pack smart, my friends.