Just in case you didn’t watch or haven’t heard, on Sunday during the Super Bowl halftime show, MIA did in fact flip the camera off. And Madonna did look like she had been thawed out of carbonite, much like Han Solo. But you know what, at least a nip didn’t “slip.” And people, Madge is 53 years old — cut her Vogue-ing ass a break!

I will say, even though I thought the selection of Madonna and her cronies as halftime performers was a little unmatched for the demographic of viewers, the performance itself was nothing short of entertainingly bizarre.

Did you see that dude doing a gymnastic dance on the tight rope? One false foot placement and there goes his manhood.

But let’s get for real. This isn’t Cirque de Soliel. This is football. A rogue game of intense rivalries and colliding slabs of overgrown men.

Call me crazy, but I was hoping for an equally testosterone-pumped halftime performance.

The idea of combining major artists like Madonna and a plethora of young budding stars isn’t a bad call. It’s actually a clever ploy that appeals to the masses, creating the most desirable show.

Along with a mixed collaboration of artists, there needs to be a fine line drawn between production perfection and too much crap happening all at once. A Polytheism theme, really?

First, we need a big name, a pop star that everyone knows. Lady Gaga’s too unpredictably out there to be on the list, so cross her off. Imagine someone like Beyonce-talented and revered. Picture Beyonce belting some song then bam — here comes her hubby Jay Z! Everyone loves a singing couple. And we’ll even Baby Bjorn Blue Ivy to a backup dancer’s chest!

Just kidding.

Next we need a throwback. My votes go to Van Halen, Steve Miller Band or Eddie Vedder.

Ooh, how about Vedder just joins Van Halen for a face-melting version of “Jump”? Yes please. I would suggest Beyonce and the boys combine talent to perform a song, but that’s just too weird — even for me.

Now we need someone to really rally the artists together. Familiar with a man that goes by the name of Paul McCartney? Of course you are, he played the Super Bowl in 2005.

Critics weren’t too big on his condensed classics, but hey, it’s Paul freaking McCartney.

I’ll take a 30-second version of “Hey Jude” any day. But here’s the catch, we’ll have artists like Adele, and John Legend cover some of his hits, only to have him surprise the audience by finishing where they left off, taking it solo for a bit.

There you have it. A pretty awesome, yet entertaining Super Bowl halftime show.

And just so we’re clear — I figured this out in the time it took me to consume my Jimmy John’s Beach Club. It’s not difficult, halftime producer Jamie King. Not difficult.

Luke Glaser

By Luke Glaser

Last Wednesday, during a lecture on the endocrine system, a junior student at UK was abruptly and unexpectedly hit with the epiphany that it is all just a meaningless joke, a cosmic prank pulled by intangible forces in the universe.

And I’m not talking about the endocrine system, dear readers.

Said junior, whose name cannot be listed for medical reasons, was struck with this catharsis at 2:34 p.m., local time.

Eyewitnesses said that he looked up from his notes, dropped his pen in a halfhearted, listless manner and stared with blank, empty eyes into a seemingly endless void.

According to sources close to the student, he was struck with the notion that he is but a drop in the ocean of humanity, a microscopic speck upon the leviathan that is the universe.

His notes on sweat glands and the gastrointestinal tract came to a grinding halt as he realized that notes, tests, grades are all pointless entities that suck time away from already severely limited and ultimately meaningless lives.

His lab partner reported  the student began muttering about precious childhood nostalgia as sweat accrued on his forehead, vehemently wishing for a simpler time.

“It was pretty deep stuff, bro,” the lab partner, a purported bro, said. “Fortunately, his sweat didn’t get on my croakies.”
Experts believe this moment of clarity about the inevitability of death and the infinitesimal, unnoticed contribution we all squander our lives trying to make was brought on by several episodes.

“There is very little scientific evidence to support our causes,” said one expert, who was wearing a lab coat and glasses.

“That said, we believe that (name omitted) looked at the total world population, realized that his crowded bus resembled a herd of cattle and read Steven Hawking’s ‘A Brief History of Time’ all in one morning, the poor bastard.”

The student’s fatalistic thoughts were subsequently replaced with the notion that every waking hour, minute and second were bringing him closer to an inevitable death. This notion proved too much for the junior, who interrupted the professor as she cheerily lectured on the thyroid’s relation to the hypothalamus.

“What am I doing!” he shrieked, before tearing off his clothes and running naked out the door. “This is the only life I’ve got!”
Classmates were originally frightened by the spectacle, but wish him a speedy recovery.

“I really miss him,” one girl said. “And he should get better soon. Our healthy diet project is due next week and my life will be ruined if we don’t get a good grade.”

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the ideas and opinions expressed in this article. Because, really, who in their right mind would?

As the spring season quickly approaches, many fashion houses and magazines are posting the availability for their summer 2012 internships.

Now more than ever, many companies are requiring that interns receive school credit for their time that may or may not include a daily stipend.

Just last week, former Harper’s Bazaar intern Xuedan Wang sued Hearst (Harper’s publisher) for violating state and federal wage and hours laws, and the case has become a big buzz in the magazine industry.

According to fashionista.com, Wang’s lawsuit says, “the prevalence of the practice nationwide curtails opportunities for employment, (and) fosters class divisions between those who can afford to work for no wage and those who cannot.”

I’m not quite sure if Wang was initially promised some form of payment, but as an intern in the fashion magazine industry last summer, I both understand and agree with Wang’s case.

Yes, internships provide interns with valuable experiences, relationships and the obvious added bullet to one’s resume.
However, simply receiving academic credit without any type of cash flow can lead to problems.

I know a few fellow interns who worked with me in New York City who were from the Midwest and had to foot the bill of living expenses for the span of three months, plus transportation to the internship, etc.

Not to mention having to pay for the school credit hours.

One anonymous editor told fashionista.com that internships are for those with access to money.

Internships “foster and encourage (kids who have access to money) — not the kid who actually has to pay his or her own bills,” she said.

Another anonymous editor showed less sympathy, saying, “I see magazines as a competitive industry that is closer to acting or art than, say, investment banking. In any creative industry, the first jobs are low paying (or don’t pay at all) and people have to work other jobs or borrow to counterbalance those disparities.”

It is understood that sacrifices must be made in life to achieve certain goals, but to what extreme does it go when the parents of the intern you are competing against lie in a much higher tax bracket?

As you go out in pursuit of your dream internship, always keep in mind where you see yourself being and make sure that internship is best suited for you.

Shelisa Melendez is a journalism and merchandising, apparel and textiles senior.

Dave Steele

In the outskirts of Alaska’s frozen wasteland, John Ottway (Liam Neeson) hunts wolves for an oil-drilling rig in order to keep its employees safe.

After lamenting over the loss of his wife, the emotional yet calloused Ottway contemplates suicide to end his suffering.

Just when he is about to pull the trigger, he hears a howl in the distance that makes him reconsider.

In hopes of reinventing himself, Ottway boards a plane back to his home in Anchorage.

Soon after being lulled to sleep with the nostalgic memories of his wife, the plane crashes smack dab in the middle of the unforgiving tundra. With only a handful of survivors, Ottway must use his knowledge of the outdoors to keep them from freezing to death.

There’s just one problem — they are completely surrounded by wolves.

If there is one word to sum up this movie, then look no further than the title, ”The Grey.”

What began as an exciting and action-packed premise turned out to be a colorless and dull ordeal.

Director and writer Joe Carnahan certainly means well in his attempt to put the audience in the survivor’s shoes. Unfortunately the result is a repetitive and draining experience that’s stretched out far too thinly over its two-hour running time.

Neeson’s performance is was it usually is — less than versatile. However, this can be seen as a positive attribute because he has become fine-tuned to his ruggedly fierce roles.

One thing I enjoyed about this film was the natural “guy” chemistry that formed between the survivors.

One minute it’s hilarious and foul-mouthed and the next it’s heated and antagonizing.

While the movie is not without its strengths every now and then, the experience just left me wanting more.

This is an exciting year for “Resident Evil” fans.

“Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City,” will be released in March, is one out of the three games released for “Resident Evil.”

“Operation Raccoon City” is strictly for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3, whereas “Revelations” will be released for Nintendo 3DS and “Resident Evil 6” will be out later this year.

“Operation Raccoon City” is a third-party team game based on shooting experience.

Instead of continuing with a story, the game starts in the middle of “Resident Evil” 2 and 3.

“In theory the game should work, expanding a franchise outside of the box it is known to rest comfortably in, giving fans an opportunity to revisit classic moments from the past,” Richard George, an editor from IGN.com, said.

The T-virus has shown its effects (from “Resident Evil 2”), and now your team has to get rid of the deadly G-virus (like the creators couldn’t come up with a better name).

You are placed into the Umbrella Security Service (USS) and the task is to make sure no one finds out about how the T-virus was leaked into the city.

You are a mercenary killing off those who learn the secret of the G (and T) -virus.

By being in a third party, you are disconnected from the original context and brought into an indirect way to tackle the virus.

Instead of making the story repetitive, it increases the plot by adding X-ray vision to mercenaries and giving the game a more open play, rather than strict guidelines.

You are able to change the gameplay by changing characters. You can play someone from the USS, but also be a lone policeman that got left behind with the virus.

No matter what the difference is, if you are a ‘Resident Evil’ buff, it is something you have to at least try.

Follow Kayla on Twitter @KernelPickrell or email her at kpickrell@kykernel.com.

Ever walked into a room and caught the tail end of a very awkward conversation?

Ever walked past someone who is talking too loudly and stupidly?

Ever had a friend on campus say the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard?

So have we.

The Kernel is pleased to announce the creation of a new column, The Cat’s Meow, which will highlight the best, worst and funniest of UK student quotes.

This column will be written by UK students who tweet, email or post what they hear through our media outlets.

The best will be featured in the printed column, which will run every other Tuesday.

What makes the cut?

We refer you to sites like textsfromlastnight.com or fmylife.com, where the following gems were written:

“You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that Alaska has warm weather.” (textsfromlastnight.com)

“I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes, it was a successful night.” (textsfromlastnight.com)

“Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes.” (fmylife.com)

This column needs your participation to be a success.

If you hear something that deserves spreading, tweet at us with #catsmeow.

You can also email us at catsmeow@kykernel.com.

We will also be running a stream on our website and the Kentucky Kernel Facebook page.

See you on Tuesdays.

Why aren’t musicians with a mindset and musical ability like Jerry Garcia, Bob Dylan and countless others around today?

Have they all been crammed into a tiny glass jar, resting pitifully preserved upon “the man’s” desk, beside his menacing, kicked up feet?

Perhaps they have been stowed away forever and ever, along with the once affordable gas prices and the safe world where front doors were left unlocked.

Is it that artists like Garcia and Dylan are few and far between today, or as a society are we just too blinded by the smog of bullshit emitted from lackluster musicians that prevent us from appreciating true artists when we see and hear one?

Ugh, It’s just like the Yankees and those damn distracting pinstripes.

The world has evolved, causing most musicians to migrate with it. But has all this change really been for the better?

And who, if anyone, still has that charisma?

And it’s not that the substance and chutzpah that pumps through the world of music has dwindled, because there are artists that have both it and talent.

Check out Beyonce. She is one talented leading lady who has revolutionized the world of music and humanitarianism, completely giving a whole new meaning to the term “Renaissance woman.”

However, her monopolized publicity and rather robust ass has cast a “Sasha Fierce” shadow over other deserving, phenomenal female artists like Grace Potter, Alison Sudol and Regina Spektor.

The issue is that many other deserving musicians aren’t receiving their applause.

That little extra something, that “it” factor, consists of this immeasurable, contagious passion that’s passed from musician to fan and recycled again.

Musicians of that caliber do more than pick up and instrument and open their mouths.

They actually give a damn. They are groovy, dependable friends that so many count on.

These artists are humanitarians. And they need to be front and center (along with B.)

Want to give credit where credit is needed? Turn off the boob tube, say goodbye to the radio and give a listen to Umphrey’s McGee, Bon Iver, Sigur Ros, Portugal the Man and Seabear. They’ve got it and they deserve the spotlight.

For at least a little bit.

“If we had any nerve at all, if we had any real balls as a society, or whatever you need, whatever quality you need, real character, we would make an effort to really address the wrongs in this society, righteously.”-Jerry Garcia

Dave Steele

By Dave Steele

Highly trained operative Mallory Cane (Gina Carano) has been to some of the most dangerous corners of the world, rescuing high-profile hostages and bringing down dangerous crime lords.

Her super spy company is contracted by the U.S. government and consists of only the best talent in special weapons and tactics.

Unfortunately for Mallory, some loose ends from her last mission have made her the victim of a double-crossing clean up mission by her very own company.

Now, Mallory must uncover the truth and expose the corruption that threatens the lives of those closest to her in order to stay alive.

“Haywire” is a very different kind of action movie. The minimalist approach to the fighting and stunt choreography is a breath of fresh air in a market oversaturated with special effects.

To put it lightly, these scenes make your jaw drop in awe of the ass-kicking moves performed by MMA superstar Carano.

Don’t let her other profession fool you. Her acting displayed some of the most natural and convincing emotions I’ve seen for a role like this.

Carano aside, this movie has an incredibly talented ensemble, boasting high-profile names like Channing Tatum (“Dear John,” “GI Joe”), Michael Fassbender (“X-Men First Class,” “Inglourious Basterds”), Michael Douglas (“Wall Street,” “Fatal Attraction”), Ewan McGregor (“Ghost Writer,” “Big Fish”) and Antonio Banderas (“Puss in Boots,” “The Legend of Zorro”).

Director Steven Soderbergh  (“Contagion,” “The Informant”) displays his usual charismatic yet simplified flow in storytelling.

Without getting bogged down in unnecessary character details, “Haywire” focuses mainly on the action, while allowing you to invest in Mallory’s character just enough to make the experience worthwhile.

Simply put, this is one of the best spy movies I have ever seen, and that’s saying a lot.

Steele’s Reels: 4.5/5 Stars

“Mass Effect 3” may be the best or the worst game of 2012. Here’s why.

What might go bad:

1. “Mass Effect 2” was not as good in comparison to the first installment in the series.

Yes, it allowed players to become adjusted to the storyline with a comic book-type introduction (only for Play Station 3) of the original “Mass Effect,” but the storyline didn’t improve very much for any console (similar to any trilogy).

There were also glitches in the software.

2. RPS? “Mass Effect” has always been strictly RPG. Why change it to RPS (role-playing shooter) when RPG (role-playing game) has never let you down?

It already has enough combat in it, don’t change it to more combat. It will just get old to those who are used to “Mass Effect.”

It isn’t something that has been completely released, but all BioWare can talk about is RPS. Not once has there been talk of RPG.

3. Apparently the game is going to be a good start for first-time players of “Mass Effect.”

That is definitely something to worry about.

Does that make it easier for “Mass Effect” junkies to play? If so, then it is definitely not going to be what everyone has been raving about.

What might be good:

1. Multiplayer. This could go both directions. Either you hate multiplayer (especially on something like “ME”), or you absolutely adore multiplayer (like me) and jump at the chance of using it.

Multiplayer, personally, allows you to play the game differently than if you were playing by yourself.

Either way, games are meant to be played with more than one person.

2. Graphics changed drastically from the original “Mass Effect” to the second one.

If this is supposed to a step forward, graphics should be amazing.

From what is seen from the previews, it should turn out amazing.

3. Gameplay was better in “Mass Effect 2,” even though the storyline was worse.

Same with graphics — if they are progressing, then so will gameplay in essence.

The “Mass Effect 3” release date is March 6.

Neil Young might be reuniting with Crazy Horse for another go at perfection.

“Live Rust,” an album that featured both Young and the band was the soundtrack to family road trips.

The distant echo of “Cortez the Killer” ran parallel with memories of passing hills and the fading white stripes of the road behind.

Young, a born and raised Canuck, first ventured into the music scene as a solo artist. He then began exploring the folk and grunge scene simultaneously.

Young was a co-founder of the band Buffalo Springfield, then later joined forces with Crosby, Stills and Nash as the fourth member.

Young bounced in and out of solo work and performing with bands like Crazy Horse. They recorded countless performances including “Live at the Fillmore East” and “Rust Never Sleeps.”

The music created with Crazy Horse captured the yin and yang of Young. His tenderness was still there in the heavy, distorted jams.

“Broken Arrow” was the last album Crazy Horse and Young released. Aside from “Toast,” an LP that was set aside by Young, it’s been over 10 years since Young and Crazy Horse have created any new music together.

That is until now.

Over the weekend, the Slamdance Festival’s Morning Coffee Master Class featured Neil Young and Jonathan Demme promoting their new film, “Journeys.”

Thanks to Young’s fan site, thrasherswheat.org, it was revealed that Young and Crazy Horse are recording again, recently confirmed by Rolling Stone: “It’s looking good,” a representative for Young said.

According to the website, one album is complete and they are working on another.

“No new news as yet,” said Ralph Molina, Crazy Horse drummer. “You’ll probably know before we do! Heading back up to the Ranch, more recording.”

When asked in 2008 by Rolling Stone if he’d be interested in touring again with Crazy Horse, Neil replied with a simple, one worded answer of, “maybe.”

And maybe that “maybe” will turn into a yes.

Perhaps those memories of me fighting the grip of my seatbelt to trace the lyrics of “Live Rust” on the fogged window of my parent’s car will turn into a new album, new lyrics and the opportunity for new memories.

Luke Glaser

Last week in a monumental decision, the World’s Real Religions Organization officially canonized the UK men’s basketball team as an official theological entity.

“Praised be,” screamed one UK fan, running hysterically downtown. “Our prayers have been answered!”

This decision comes after years of UK basketball receiving a zealously religious following.

Already, the faith is being organized.

According to sources, the main deity worshipped in the church revolves around a trinity: three great powers, one legendary program.

Fans believe that out of the disorganized chaos when darkness covered the abyss, UK established order with its creation of the basketball team (which rumor has it, took less than seven days).

The faith also tells the story of how Rick Pitino was once an angel-like being who was cast down to coach the Cardinals after he declared himself equal to Adolph Rupp.

Before prayers, UK fans will make the sign of the Rupp, the Cal and the Unforgettables.

“It is more difficult than most religions,” said one self-proclaimed preacher. “Service days aren’t just once a week. They’re whenever we have a game.”

Holy Days of Obligation include Big Blue Madness, Selection Sunday and whatever day the Cats play Tennessee.

“Being a follower of the Cats is more than just turning on the TV to watch the game,” said one brother of blue. “It means being fanatically interested in every single play, no matter who we are playing or how much we are up. It means knowing the statistics of teams 20 years ago, and the UK players who are currently in the NBA. It means naming your children after a famous, bygone player. ”

The religion is not terribly burdensome, and is indeed similar to other religions. UK fans must do acts of good will (camp out for tickets), read the good book (“Bounce Back,” by John Calipari – available at your local bookstore) and be nice to others (unless they wear red).

Churches are currently being established in bars, living rooms and man caves all over the world, though the religion requires each fan make at least one pilgrimage to Rupp Arena.

Those who follow the religion and maintain the beliefs go to heaven. Those who don’t purportedly go to hell/Louisville.

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the ideas and opinions expressed in this article. Because, really, who in their right minds would?

Bedtime pleasantries may soon lead to jail time.

At least if you live in Caddo Parish, La.

Last week Michael Williams, a Caddo Parish commissioner, proposed a ban on wearing pajama pants in public.

According to The Shreveport Times, Williams said the ban was the result of being offended by seeing pajama pants worn by a young teenage boy in a local Walmart store.

“At the part where there should have been underwear,” his private parts were showing through the fabric, said Williams.
I can understand Williams’ discomfort at what may or may not have seen.

However, I think the plan to ban pajamas is absolutely absurd.

There is plenty that people can complain about seeing worn in public, but so what?

Because grease-stained T-shirts “offend” me, is that reason to propose a “No greasy T-shirts worn in public” ban? I think not.
What may be socially acceptable is not a means to regulate the fashion, or lack thereof, of one’s wardrobe.

Oddly enough, this isn’t the first time this small town has tried to regulate what people can wear.

According to newsfeed.com, the city instituted a no-saggy pants law, and reported 31 misdemeanor summons for locals wearing pants too low in 2011.

Within the regulations of the ban, Williams has suggested that violators do community service instead of jail time.

For whatever reason, some people simply enjoy the luxury of rolling out of bed and rocking their flannels or pajama jeans (what an awesome combo, right?) to the mall … or class.

But that’s neither here nor there. A ban like this is unconstitutional and highly unlikely to ever get passed.

For those with tight budgets from Christmas and plenty of time to procrastinate, here are ways to cheaply pass the time.

Pick up your phone and download these free apps:

1. Words with Friends

Not only are you putting your knowledge to good use in a game of scrabble, but you get to bask in the victory of knowing more than your opponent.

2. Temple Run

You will honestly play this game forever. You run from monkeys and collect coins while jumping over broken bridges and dodging fire. Don’t play this game unless you have the time.

3. Pocket Frogs

It is the cutest game ever. You breed frogs and send frogs to friends. To keep them happy, you have to send them to the pond and jump lily pads to feed them dragonflies. You unlock achievements and decorate their habitats.

4. Tiny Tower

You are in charge of literally a “Tiny Tower.” You get to assign people dream jobs, buy floors, rename them and decorate them. You’ll have surprise visits from ninjas and vampires.

5. Talking Tom

What better way to annoy your roommate and laugh in the process. The talking tom will mock everything said in a squeaky voice that you could only assume a cat would have if it could talk. There are variations of this game, such as “Talking Dinosaur,” but this is the only one that will keep you laughing.

6. Glass Pong

This fun game is a virtual game of pong. What more do you need to know?

7. Doodle Sprint

Run, jump, but make sure you don’t fall. You are a little doodle man that runs and jumps over large crevices and thistle bushes. The catch is that the farther you get, the faster you run.

8. Bejeweled Blitz

The classic game of Bejeweled is now a free app. You will be playing it forever because you are determined to beat an unbeatable game.

9. Jetpack Joyride

A mission-based game where you ride on a jetpack and collect coins. The fun part is the ability to buy different items to both fly in and use.

10. Action Movie FX

I know this isn’t a game, but it is pretty cool. You get to take the movies you make on your iPhone.

Ah, 2012. Feels good.

But do you know why it feels so good? Why my feet have a little extra pep in their step this New Year? Why am I asking so many questions?

It is the promise of a summer we were cheated of last year. A summer that, in years before, has been the ever-gracious “hostess with the mostest” to nights of drinking at Deer Creek, new friends at Alpine and amazing music at every stop.

My dear readers, this is the summer that the tour begins again.

The 2012 Dave Matthews Band summer tour.

Much anticipation has led up to this upcoming tour since the band didn’t do a summer ‘11 tour. And sure, the guys definitely deserved a break considering the band has been touring for 20 consecutive years.

So what’s a DMB fan to look forward to on this tour?

Well aside from a rested, retuned and regrouped band, there have been rumors about new music. Summer 2010, “Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King” was hitting it’s second year of touring and even though I love a good “Why I Am” just as much as the next fan, new material is always welcomed.

Especially when that new material is rumored to be produced by the great and talented Steve Lillywhite.

Lillywhite produced the bands first three studio albums, “Under the Table and Dreaming,” “Crash” and “Before These Crowded Streets.” He also worked with the band in 2000 but after some time spent in the studio, was left for producer Glen Ballard. Ballard went on to produce “Everyday.”

In 2001, the abandoned music that was established by the band and Lillywhite leaked and was then re-recorded in 2002 on the album “Busted Stuff,” Which features the equally popular and powerfully stunning song, “Bartender.”

Regardless if you’re a Lillywhite fan or not, he knows the band, knows their sound and knows what works. And the albums he produced are arguably the bands best. With suspicious tweets floating between Stefan Lessard, the band’s bassist, and Lillywhite, it’s likely that something is in fact cooking up in the studio. And that something is something to look forward to.

No tour dates or confirmation of a new album have been announced but trust me on this one, something big is about to happen in 2012.

And no I’m not talking about the end of the world.

Luke Glaser

By Luke Glaser

It’s too cool for school, dear readers.

Tired of the monotony and predictability of the modern college class, a professor at the University of Kentucky has implemented an elective— The Cultural Lifestyle and Implementation of the Hipster in Modern Society, or HIP 438.

“It’s much too advanced to be a simple 100 level course,” the professor said, dressed in a chic American Apparel flannel and skinny jeans. “You just, you know, have to be able to understand the neo-cultural and socioeconomic factors that go into being a hipster.”

The new class has been met with enthusiastic support from hipster students, who are countering said enthusiasm with moderate hipster emotion.

“Sweet!— I mean, that’s pretty cool, I guess,” one junior hipster said, leaning up against a building and taking another drag from his Parliament cigarette.

The class will entail studies of the hipster lifestyle, including Pabst Blue Ribbon, Buddy Holly glasses and sitting in coffee shops for an unbearable amount of time.

“I’m not going to try to explain the aesthetics of the class to you,” the professor said. “It’s pretty deep stuff that you can’t define in a newspaper article.”

Course content includes finding a band that no one else has heard of, painting something and then pretentiously negating any attempts to define it and wearing scarves and beanies in any weather, regardless of how hot it is.

Grading in HIP 438 will be somewhat of a challenge, as the professor says grades and tests are simply too cliche.

“I will be grading on how nonchalant the class is on everything, how they, you know, engage in the work without being too interested in it. They will probably all do pretty bad, because they just won’t get it.”

Field trips will also be taken to organic food stores and local music scenes.

The expected popularity of the class remains a mystery, as many students insist that they will not be taking the class due to its popularity.

“It’s just not the kind of thing I’m interested in,” one fifth-year Hipster said. “I was into hipster classes before they were cool.”

The hipster professor would not reveal the current enrollment to the Kernel.

“It’s a really obscure number,” he said, turning to browse the Pitchfork website. “You’ve probably never heard of it.”

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors and staff of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the opinions expressed in this column. Because, really, who in their right mind would?

It seems that an old dog can learn new tricks when it comes to “Star Wars: The Old Republic.”

Not only have the graphics improved for the computer game, but the whole setup of the game has, too.

The opening movie of the game places you in a realistic world that describes what is happening and the goal of each side of the Force.

“‘The Old Republic’ isn’t the next step in online role-playing games,” said Kevin VanOrd of GameSpot.com. “Instead, it’s a highly entertaining refinement of what has come before it.”

This may be because the game isn’t set in the future; it is merely set in the past.

The game’s 50-level cap includes certain missions called “heroics” and “flashpoints” aimed toward group play, making the difficulty of completing alone nearly impossible.

Group play includes forming a guild with either your friends or others playing “The Old Republic” online.

Similar to massively multiplayer online games, such as “World of Warcraft” or “Guild Wars,” one person can have multiple characters — in this case, eight.

One of the biggest differences between “Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic” and “Star Wars: The Old Republic” is the ability to align a character in either the Empire or the Republic (Sith or Jedi).

Just like in other MMOs, you can obtain certain skills for you and your companion.

There are gathering skills, crafting skills and mission skills of your choosing with different abilities.

Gathering gives the ability to find certain items within playable terrain. Crafting skills allow for the ability to create armor, weapons or modifications from materials. Mission skills allow you to send your companion on a mission to accrue loot, gather information or complete goals that further your character’s progression.

You can own your own vehicles; however, until you purchase a starcraft, you cannot leave the planet. After winning a starship, you can engage in space combat.

There are four classes for each the Empire and the Republic.Furthermore, there are nine different races from the world of “Star Wars” to choose from.

The plot line in “The Old Republic” aligns nicely with the “Knights of the Old Republic” series and includes similar characters.

Don’t let this deter you from playing, though, if you’re not familiar with the former plot lines. You can still successfully play.

My advice to you is that if you love MMO games, this one is definitely worth a shot.

Luke Glaser

By Luke Glaser

Welcome back, dear readers.

Ever the investigative reporter, committed to nothing less than the finest journalism of the utmost integrity, I took it upon myself over break to delve into one of the biggest mysteries surrounding the University of Kentucky.

What exactly happens on campus during winter break?

Intriguing, I know. If you were like me, naïve and assuming, you would guess that nothing happens on campus; that the breezes blow wistfully through the Patterson Office Tower Plaza and the sidewalks are barren, tramped upon by nothing and no one.

My dear readers, nothing could be further from the truth.

Several years ago, the History Channel did a series titled “Life After People,” a thought experiment during which scientists and other experts predicted how the world would evolve if humanity disappeared.

There was no need to speculate. They should have just come to UK during winter break.

While students are home, nestled all snug in their beds, an abandoned UK is overrun by an assortment of wild animals. This diverse fauna includes, but is not limited to, squirrels, bears, rabbits, the arctic wolf, the hammerhead shark, the bushy-tailed mongoose and the Novia Scotia duck-tolling retriever.

“Rawwwwwr,” said one grizzly bear, as it lumbered away to defecate in front of the Art Museum.

Without humans to care for it, campus fell into disrepair. Walkways cracked as they were overrun by grass and roots. Campus buildings crumbled into dilapidation before they were inhabited by a host of biological entities. With no humans, and a setting that looks wilder every day, UK becomes an animal’s paradise.

“It’s somewhat cumbersome,” said one UK professor who has no life and therefore comes into work in late December.
“You have to stop carrying an umbrella and start carrying this baby,” he said, holding up his Nosler M48 hunting rifle. “This
sucker will take down a bull elephant.”

The animals certainly turn the tables on humans for at least three weeks, and the hunted become the hunters.
One arctic wolf was unavailable for comment, as she was busy munching on a tasty snowshoe hare.

Fortunately, humanity returns. Everything is repaired in time for students, and by mid-January, the only animal being talked about is the Wildcat.

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.
The editors and staff of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the contents of this article. Because, really, who in his right mind would?

Zach Walton

By Zach Walton

Every time a new “Zelda” game comes out, I tend to put off all of my priorities for the next few days as I take in what is, to some, the best series in all of gaming.

Yes, dear readers, “The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword” made me forsake all other responsibilities again this year and then some.

While “Zelda” has been a relatively stagnant franchise, only seeing fit to change its style of gameplay, which has been established since “A Link to the Past,” “Skyward Sword” presents a new step for the franchise: 1:1 motion control for Link’s sword.

While this does not drastically change the game or the usual tropes of going from dungeon to dungeon in a quest to save Hyrule, it does offer a new gameplay style that has not really been seen anywhere else.

Since it’s the most important feature of “Skyward Sword,” I will confirm right now that the motion controls work. “Work” being a subjective term depending on each player’s patience to learn the intricacies of the combat. For instance, the player can still mostly just swing the sword around like mad and come out mostly unharmed. However, a mindful player will take advantage of this new system and have a lot of fun learning each enemy’s maneuvers, and tactics, to take advantage of their open spots.

Semi-Spoiler Alert: There is one moment in the game that does actually force the player to fight with smarts and wit because the opponent is a swordsman just as powerful as Link. Once I had finished this fight, I was completely sold on the concept.

While the biggest change comes from the combat, there are smaller innovations that are mainstream to most games now, but are a big change for the usual traditional “Zelda” series. For example, there are side quests now. There were side quests in previous “Zelda” games, but they never amounted to much. The side quests in “Skyward Sword” lead to an end reward that compelled me to finish all side quests in anticipation of the end results.

Another great touch is the realm of Skyloft that the game begins in. It’s a giant chunk of earth floating in the sky and Link must dive beneath the clouds to the surface world for all the dungeons and exploration. While some may see this as Nintendo making a smaller Zelda game with fewer dungeons, that could not be further from the truth. This allows the game to have a hub world-like feel to the game, connecting everything nicely. No more having to backtrack all the way to some foreign locale in search of a small store to retrieve a unique item. All of that stuff is consolidated into one area in the sky that’s immediately accessible from any “save point.”

Speaking of “save points,” this is the biggest of the small changes for me, and I personally love it. While some may miss being able to save anywhere on the world map, they’ll instantly love it when they’re able to save in a dungeon without having to restart at the beginning.

The usual suspects in terms of items come through with the bow and clawshots, but a few new items join the fun this time, like adventure pouch and upgrading. The adventure pouch is an item that allows Link to carry four side items, such as bottles, shields and medals, which grant him unique abilities. The pouch can be upgraded to hold eight items so it never borders on insane item management like in the Resident Evil franchise. What it does do is make the player formulate a strategy as to what they need for each respective area. Going to a place with a lot of electric monsters? Switch out the iron shield for the wooden shield. Don’t really need that many fairies? Retire a few of the bottles to make space for the other items.

“The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword” is a breath of fresh air after the fun but stagnant “Twilight Princess.” It tries a lot of new things and succeeds in most of them. Besides a few gripes with the motion controls, the only real problem remaining is the lack of voice acting. The developers obviously went with a more personal, touching story this time around with facial animations to denote emotion and speech from the characters. The story, however, was still told with the traditional boxes of text. While this is not a bad thing, it does beg the question of why Nintendo trying to be more cinematic without adding one of the key elements of a cinematic game?

Besides these few minor gripes, “The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword” is probably the best 3D Zelda game since “Wind Waker.” It comes highly recommended. It will give your Wii something to play this holiday season as we wait for the release of “Xenoblade Chronicles” in the spring.

Zach Walton

By Zach Walton

The last Rayman game I remember playing was “Rayman 2” (originally released in 1999). So, imagine my surprise when I was given the chance to review “Rayman Origins,” which debuted on Nov. 15 and is nothing like its elder.

For those unfamiliar, Rayman is UbiSoft’s platformer mascot from the mid-90s, who was unique for his lack of limbs. The game featured crazy worlds full of sentient musical instruments and kooky environments.

“Rayman Origins” is most like the first Rayman game because it is a 2D platformer instead of the 3D platformers of later Rayman games, and because it is stylistically similar to the with its return to the wild environments.

The biggest selling point for “Rayman Origins” is the visuals. Michel Ancel’s UbiArt engine allows artists to import their art directly into the game. This lends to some of the most beautiful visuals produced for this console generation. It’s not as masterfully illustrated as a Vanillaware game, but the detail given to the characters is impeccable.

The most important thing for a platformer is the gameplay, however, and Michel Ancel’s team came through superbly. While this version sticks to the tropes of the genre by collecting items during the levels for 100 percent completion, it does so with finesse rarely seen from the genre. Levels have been crafted to slowly raise the difficulty level with new abilities that are tested on a constant basis. The game also hides items in such a way that they are instantly recognizable, but hard to reach. Nintendo could take a cue from “Rayman Origins” on how to handle its next foray into a 2D Mario game.

Speaking of Nintendo, “Rayman Origins” finally gets something right that Nintendo seems to: the co-op. With Nintendo’s “New Super Mario Bros. Wii” and “Donkey Kong Country Returns,” the co-op felt detrimental to the core gameplay, leading players to unintentionally sabotage one another. This hardly happens in “Rayman Origins” as the players’ characters never collide, and are able to bring the dead players back into the action with a smack of their bubbled selves.

The biggest revolution for “Rayman Origins” is that it finally gets rid of “lives.” Lives are an antique aspect of gameplay from the days of the arcade when players were required to feed a game more quarters to gain more lives. Getting rid of “lives” doesn’t mean the game is any easier. When the player dies, they are just sent back to the beginning of the section, reducing stress and encouraging players to try again.

“Rayman Origins” is my favorite platformer of the year and possibly my favorite 2D platformer of the past five years. It is inviting to younger and inexperienced players with an easy to follow co-op mode, and it is challenging enough to the most hardcore player in the game’s single-player fix.

It’s a shame the game has only sold around 50,000 copies so far. Make it a great Christmas season for yourself, fellow gamers and UbiSoft by picking up what is arguably the best platformer of this generation. Don’t let “Rayman Origins” go the way of “Beyond Good and Evil.” Let’s make “Rayman Origins” the Christmas miracle of gaming!

Zach Walton

By Zach Walton

It is with a heavy heart that I must step down as gaming columnist for the Kentucky Kernel.

That’s a great opening, isn’t it? Full of drama and tension, makes it sound like I’m leaving for some kind of medical or personal reason.

The truth is that I’m graduating and will be moving on to greener pastures, or whatever the gamer equivalent is.

I just have a few ending thoughts that I would like to leave you all with. These thoughts really sum up what I tried to do here as the gaming columnist at a school that really needed one and probably won’t have another one after I leave.

First, love yourself and each other. While you’re probably thinking, “He’s gone bonkers,” Trust me, I know what I’m saying.

Love the games that you play, but love the games that others play as well. We’re all stuck in this swiftly changing environment that we call video games. We don’t need to make it worse with our incessant bickering as to what console is better or what game is better. Just let the fact that we love games shine through and beat back the negativity that the industry unfortunately thrives on.

Second, keep trying new things. I hope I have made some of my readers try new experiences or new games while I have been writing this column.

I love to see gamers go out of their comfort zone and try new things. While I have not been able to review a lot of indie games, I was so happy to get a “The Binding of Isaac” review out. I really do wish that I could have written more about indie games, but just know this, buy more indie games and love them!

Third, support your local indie game developers. While I was only made aware of their existence this year, show some love for Frogdice and their game, “Coin ‘n Carry.”

There are other indie developers in Lexington that need your support. Check out the first meeting of the UK indie game club at 5 p.m. on Friday at the Davis Marksbury Building. By supporting this club and the developers in Lexington, we can turn our fair city and university into a gaming town.

This is really sappy and I know it. I can’t help it. I do want everybody to know that I really loved being the gaming writer for the Kernel. I also sincerely hope that all two of my readers liked me too.

That being said, I would love it if somebody took up the torch after me to continue what I started. I want to see the game column expand at the Kernel to something even bigger than what I achieved. I want to see it covering all facets of the industry while sticking close to the ever growing community of gamers in Lexington.

Of course, I’m not completely done just yet. You still have a few reviews coming your way from yours truly in the coming days. Look forward to them at kykernel.com as I think you will enjoy them!

Most importantly, just keep gaming. Keep playing those games and become invested in your hobby.

It’s great if you got there through the ever expanding audience of the Wii, “Call of Duty,” “Words with Friends” or any of the other many games out there that have helped to expand the audience of games. Keep playing them and keep yourself invested.

This industry is important even to us at the University of Kentucky.

Thank you.

So this is it. Pardon’s last column of the semester. Gone by fast, eh?

My editor suggested I write about Christmas music.

But, since I’m half-Jewish and I know there are many other boys and girls out there who spin the dradle, kick it during Kwanza, or hell, might even be atheist (pun intended), I’ve decided to ditch the holiday jib-jab and talk about a classic band instead.

A band that’s my favorite band of all time. A band that’s unlike any other, that regardless of denomination, you’re bound to worship.

The Grateful Dead.

What’s not to like about Jerry Garcia and the boys? They single-handedly paved the long, winding road of never-ending creativity for bands like Phish, Widespread Panic and other improvisational jam bands today. Nothing was set in stone with the Dead. They did what they wanted and played how they felt.

Their 20-minute jams would ignite from a lone riff Jerry strummed, or a drum beat Rob “Pigpen” McKernan would play around with, and then effortlessly drift into this whimsically constructed whirlwind of badass sound.

Garcia’s humble voice had so much emotion, so much power. Everything that followed musically, beautifully fell into place with such ease and grace.

There is nothing but pure happiness seeping out of Jerry’s guitar, whether it’s the sunburst Stratocaster with Brazillion rosewood fingerboard or the simple black Gibson he burns up. It’s in their music that you find the celebration of life.

As we part ways over these next few bitter weeks, enjoy your time at home. Relax and take in the snow. Build a snowman! And if you’re really lost, just listen to the Dead.

“If you get confused, just listen to the music play.” – Franklin’s Tower, The Grateful Dead

Luke Glaser

By Luke Glaser

lglaser@kykernel.com

‘Twas two weeks before Christmas, and all through UK,
Each student was prepping for that happy day;
Decorations galore, from Blanding to Jewell
In hopes that they soon would be far from this school;
And they listened to carols, as snow fell above
Prepared to see family, and all those they love.
But, meanwhile, on campus there existed a clan
That hated the  season, each woman and man;
Inspired were they by misery and pressure,
And feared by each student, who called each “professor.”
They cackled with glee as they plotted their schemes,
To trap all the students with Christmasy dreams;
With a laugh, just to hear it, would make you quite blue,
And you knew in a moment what they would soon do.
In a week that was known as supposed to be “dead”
They said this to students, and filled them with dread;
“Now quizzes! Now labs! Now essays and test!
Now projects! Now finals, and all of the rest!
We’ll give you all work ‘til you’re up to your sleeve,
And we’ll stamp out your spirit, and you’ll never leave!”
And each student was forced to stay in and cram,
Presents and cookies don’t pass an exam.
Instead they studied, and did not have a say,
For as cool as he is, Santa can’t bring an “A;”
A huge stack of tests each prof had on their back,
And they looked like a peddler, just opening his pack
Their souls—oh! How empty,
Their eyes— oh! How dead,
Anticipating scantrons,
With nothing but red.
Such work would depress,
A right, jolly old elf,
And I cried when I saw it,
In spite of myself.
When suddenly, one night, in a gaunt Willy T
The silence was broken, by a rapture of glee.
For Santa had come, to dismantle the fear
And fill all the students with Christamsy Cheer.
“No need to work, for you’ll each get an A!
Don’t let the man beat you, for this is my day!
Go ahead! Get on Facebook! There’s no need to frown,
Go home and be merry! For I’ve come to town!”
So each student said, “Screw it!”
Left their books and just bailed,
Had the time of their lives,
Though, of course, they all failed.
For it doesn’t matter,
How far that you fall,
You pass or you fail,
Christmas comes to us all.
Then we heard him exclaim, as he rode out of sight,
“The job market sucks anyway! And to all a good night!”

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The editors of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirm nor endorse the opinions expressed in the column. Because, really, who in their right mind would?

As finals week quickly approaches and students prepare for winter break, the malls and World Wide Web are staying busy with customers ready to buy.

Although there is still time to make your Christmas purchases, there are many holiday parties and Secret Santa exchanges to be had — so why not give your best for less?

Buying gifts doesn’t have to be difficult or expensive. Shop for trendy pieces below, all under $50!

For Her

• Pink crocheted headphones w/bow (as seen in Glamour Magazine’s Holiday Issue) — These headphones are beyond amazing! For just $40 you can listen to your favorite tunes and keep your ears warm. Alwaysfits.com
• Touch screen friendly running gloves — running outside in the winter can mean cold hands, and most gloves can leave you unable to use your phone or iPod. This convenient pair can be found at lucy.com for $30.
• Jessica Simpson Collection “Emma” mini bag wristlet — Stay on trend for fall/winter with this leopard print wristlet; perfect for any outfit. Visit jessicasimpsoncollection.com for this $35 bag.
• Diane Von Furstenberg USB — The fashionista herself has dipped into technology. For 2GB of storage complete with vintage prints and key ring visit dvf.com, $38
• Bejeweled eyelash curler — Sequins and sparkle are here this season, so why not bejewel your beauty accessories. Purchase you bejeweled eyelash curler for $18 at jcpenney.com

For Him

• iPad Case — This vintage print case will be sure to please the trendy and understated. Find at bananarepublic.com for $49.50
• H&M Sweater — If one thing is for sure, you can never go wrong with a classic sweater with elbow patches. $29.95, hm.com
• Wine Monkey — Decorate your holiday bottles with the sock monkey designed especially for your beverage. $10, urbanoutfitters.com
• USB car charger — Whether you’re party hopping, or simply always on the go, you won’t have a problem charging your electronics with this convenient and inexpensive item. $10, amazon.com
• Canvas bag — This casual bag can be used to carry anything from a laptop computer to schoolbooks. $26.90, Forever21.com

Dave Steele

By Dave Steele

Set in a 1930s Paris laced with a fresh layer of winter’s first snow, “Hugo” tells the story of a recently orphaned boy who lives in the clock tower of the city’s main train station.

After losing his father, the master clock worker of Paris (Jude Law) in a museum fire, Hugo (Asa Butterfield) is taken in by his uncle (Ray Winstone), an alcoholic that is in charge of maintaining the train station’s clocks.

After teaching him how to do his job, his uncle disappears, leaving Hugo completely alone to fend for himself.

Without any friends or caregivers, Hugo has but one comfort and motivation in life, to fix his father’s automaton.

This mechanical man has the ability to write and draw when wound up. However, the device is old and missing many parts, including a mysterious heart shaped key.

Hugo believes that the automaton has a message from his father so he does whatever it takes to repair it, including stealing parts form a toy maker by the name of Georges Méliès (Ben Kingsley).

When he is caught, Georges forces Hugo to repair toys in his shop to repay him for the stolen parts. While working in the toyshop, Hugo is met by Georges’ goddaughter Isabelle (Chloe Moretz), a young girl who is infatuated by his mechanical talents.

Shortly after becoming acquainted, Hugo notices something worn around Isabelle’s neck that changes everything— a heart shaped key. This triggers a new adventure to reveal the secrets and connections of the two families and discover how the automaton will change the lives of everyone involved.

Hugo is beautifully shot and directed by filmmaking master Martin Scorsese (“The Departed,” “Shutter Island”). He is challenged by translating the imagination of the New York Time best seller, “The Invention of Hugo Cabret” to the big screen.

Scorsese succeeds with breath taking visuals and an innovative plot that will have audiences talking and reflecting the entire drive home.

I really enjoyed how the story deeply involved so many characters’ pasts, as well as their connection and development of feelings regarding Hugo.

However, the real gem that lies within “Hugo” is the acting. I have rarely seen a cast with such convincing chemistry and talent. Ben Kingsley’s (“Shutter Island,” “Lucky Number Sleven”) character is remarkable and a real contender for this year’s Best Actor.

While this movie requires patience that the average moviegoer might not be thrilled with, (it’s two and a half hours and starts a bit slow) Hugo has is a truly unique and artistic experience that is rarely delivered in Hollywood today.

Steele’ Reels: 4.5/5 Stars

The title of this review may seem confusing to most, if not all of you because “Skyrim” is a single-player game. There is no multiplayer component.

That is where you are wrong, my friend, and I will get to it later.

“The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim” is the latest game to come from Bethesda Studios, a team much beloved for their fantastic role-playing games and reviled for their horribly buggy games. The joke here is that these games are one in the same.

The good news is that “Skyrim” is relatively bug free with yours truly experiencing only three crashes actually caused by the game, and not my own stupidity, over the course of my 90 hours with it.

For those unfamiliar with the franchise, “The Elder Scrolls” is a first-person RPG. Although one can play it in third-person, but why would you do that?

The games always involve the player being thrown into an open world that they are free to explore at their leisure while raiding dungeons, caves, fortresses and other typical medieval fantasy fare.

“Skyrim” is no different from these past games, while vastly different at the same time. The player will still quest for many factions, including the Thieves Guild, Dark Brotherhood, Companions (Fighter’s Guild) and others while questing for the main story line, which is leagues above the main quest in “Oblivion” for those who care about such things.

The difference comes from the little things. Every dungeon and cave is now different with its own set of challenges and enemies to conquer instead of being copy and pasted from every other one like in past games. Dual-wielding adds an entirely new element to combat making it much more dynamic and fun compared to past games. The smithing skill actually makes sense now with the player being able to make his or her own weapons and armor. On that same note, spell creation is out, which limits the player’s ability to become a world-destroying god of fire.

There are some major differences as well, which mostly come from the dragons. There is an endless supply of dragons that will show up at the most opportune (and sometimes inopportune times) to do battle with the player. These battles are at first epic and amazing, but soon become somewhat boring and predictable once the player hits level 30.

That’s the main problem with Skyrim. Once the player hits a certain level, everything just ceases to be a challenge. It’s still amazingly fun to explore the massive world packed with secrets galore, but the enemies no longer pose any threat. That’s a shame too because it would be amazing if the enemies scaled with the player all the way up to the higher levels to create epic, drawn out fights.

It’s a small price to pay for everything else being so amazing. I’m 90 hours in and I’m still finding new places to explore and things to do. That’s a true testament of a game’s staying power and Bethesda has proven once again that they are the kings of the open world RPG.

Now onto that multiplayer that I spoke of: “Skyrim” does not have any traditional multiplayer to speak of, it’s a strictly single-player experience.

The key here is having friends who are also playing it. The stories you will share with them of your experiences in the world of Skyrim, comparing notes on the adventures you’ve both had and ways to improve your combat effectiveness here on out.

It’s a meta-game multiplayer that encourages friends to cooperate on the meta-level. I almost feel like one of the bards in the many taverns across Skyrim detailing my exploits as the Dragon-born with my friends who also share their stories with me. It’s truly wonderful.

“Skyrim” will probably win a lot of this year’s “Game of the Year” awards and for good reason.

It’s the first Bethesda game to be mostly technically sound, while their most polished — game design-wise — with many improvements that make the game better for everyone.

While some people may have put off the “Elder Scrolls” series because it looked too complicated, “Skyrim” is a great time to jump in. It is the most streamlined and player friendly game in the series without sacrificing any of its gameplay or dumbing anything down.

We have a winner here folks. It comes highly recommended from me, and the couple of million other people, who bought it in the first week.

This article is dedicated to the Allen family and my great uncle Joe.

My Tuesday was spent in Eastern Kentucky. My great uncle Joe passed away and we were there for the funeral. I had met him maybe once or twice, but those memories were about as blurry as my car windows that were fogged by the cold mountain air.

I felt a dose of nostalgia sweep over me as my unlaced boots made a thud against the wooden floorboards of the house that has been in my mom’s family for countless years. With each step I took came the distinct sound of weathered, creaking wood.

I made my way to the humble kitchen, full of gossiping women and rambunctious children—a scene far to familiar to someone acquainted with a large southern family. As I reached down for another piece of banana bread my ears perked up. It was a dusty recording of a harmonica.

It was Bob Dylan.

It’s those moments that might seem insignificant to some, but so full to me, that puts life into perspective.

Life is heavy. No, I take that back. Things that make up life are heavy, but life itself is so simple yet complexly unique.

And it’s in the moments that make us smile that define the beauty of life itself.

Apparently Uncle Joe left more of an impression on me after he left then while he was here. He loved music. And even though families are dysfunctional, I am grateful for one thing that my family has given to me.

Beyond the lessons, morals, hilarious family stories and recipes, I am forever grateful that my family instilled the love and power of music in me. Because without music, all of my family memories would be beautiful, but muted.

Music is more than just some notes. It’s an experience that completes who I am.

Luke Glaser

By Luke Glaser

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, dear readers.

First off, my apologies for a long absence; I was on a hiatus, gallivanting about New York where I accepted the award for “the most idiotic, humorless columnist that is still, somehow, getting published” award. Congratulatory messages and other gifts can be forwarded to my office in 026 Grehan.

I have returned to campus with a doozie though.

As we all know, last Saturday the UK football program ended its 26-year-long losing streak to the Tennessee Volunteers. The Wildcats “decked the halls” with stellar offense and defense, giving “joy to the world” and creating anything but a “silent night” around Commonwealth Stadium.

Tired of the puns yet?

They are all too appropriate, my devoted followers, because we can hardly attribute the long overdue victory to mere talent and coaching ability. The rest of the season is evidence enough for that.

No, we can point our gratitude northwards and thank jolly ole’ Saint Nick for the win

Recent evidence suggests that in preparation for the game against our dear, orange-tinted neighbors to the south, each player, coach and staff member wrote a letter to Santa.

They asked for one thing, and one thing only: a victory against the Tennessee Volunteers.

Reports suggests that, early last week, the team meeting consisted of players utilizing safety scissors, construction paper and glitter to create letters promising that they had been good, and asking Santa for a win against Tennessee.

“I hope this works,” one player reportedly said, as he licked the stamp and pressed the envelope against his chest, closing his eyes. “Oh please, oh please, oh please Santa.”

Obviously, it did. Santa visited the Commonwealth a bit early as the Wildcats defeated the Volunteers 10-7.

And the present cannot be attributed solely to the Big Man.

We all know that Santa sports the color red, a color that will enrage a UK fan quicker than it will an angry bull. Because his frock (and cherry nose) obviously hint at Santa’s team bias in the state, this columnist believes that the football team’s present had a little help from the inside.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mrs. Claus said, when asked by reporters about the miraculous win.

“Santa is the one who does the gift-giving. I just sit here, bake and watch Kentucky lose to those (explicative) boys from Tennessee. I must say this year was a nice change. “

Santa’s wife continued as she brushed crumbs off her blue and white crocheted apron and proceeded to finish icing her “North Carolina is on the naughty list” cake. “Oh look at that, the cookies are almost done!”

Whoever was responsible for the win, UK football players are completely content with it and don’t want anything more for Christmas (although Danny Trevathan did reportedly ask for a new tie for the NFL Draft)

And that, dear readers, is the Lukewarm Truth. Not quite hot, but definitely not cold.

The staff of the Kentucky Kernel neither confirms nor endorses the ideas expressed in this column, because really, who in their right mind would?

In hopes of getting customers to spend more money, many retailers are stepping outside of their comfort zone to draw in more shoppers.

According to The National Retail Federation, a jawdropping 152 million people will shop this year during the three-day holiday weekend.

And to make things just a little more crazy, a handful of major retailers have caught on to the late night rush.

Gone are the days when you had time to enjoy your Thanksgiving meal, sleep for a few hours and prepare for the Black Friday madness. No, no, no. Black Friday is now referred to as Black Midnight. No longer does the early bird catch the worm — more like the turkey-filled, sleep-deprived bird.

Many retailers have fallen subject to the economy and are desperately seeking to maximize their dollars beginning at the strike of 12 a.m. Although stores such as Target, Macy’s, Kohl’s and Best Buy are opening at midnight, retailer J.C. Penney has decided to open its doors at its usual Black Friday hour of 4 a.m.

Some Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy stores will also participate in Black Midnight, and according to a Huffington Post article, Old Navy is even giving away a “free” Kodak EasyShare Waterproof Digital Camera bundle — valued at more than $100 — with a $40 purchase.

But welcoming customers at midnight isn’t ideal for Toys “R” Us and Walmart. Toys “R” Us is opening at 9 p.m. on Thanksgiving evening and Wal-Mart has many different special in-store events beginning at 10 p.m. on Thanksgiving as well.

“Retailers want to do whatever they can to make sure what consumers spend is spent with them,” Kurt Salmon retail strategist Megan Donadio said in a Huffington Post article.

I don’t so much feel bad for the crazy Black Midnight participants (myself included), but the poor employees that have to rush their holiday feast with loved ones to work a glorified “sale.”

“They want to get the best deal, get the most merchandise at the best price, to take advantage of that frenzy. So they are going to get up earlier, stay up late or do whatever it takes,” Janet Hoffman, managing director of Accenture’s retail practice, said in a Huffington Post article.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand retailers have to survive in the struggling economy like any other business, but at what cost?

*Check local store locations for accurate store opening times, as they vary by location.

As many know, and may have been skipping class for, “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim” launched to massive sales and critical success on Nov. 11.

The critical response has been good, and you’ll even see my review in the paper next week once I’m able to sink more time into this massive game, (I’m already at 48 hours if you were wondering).

The real distressing thing, thought, is the PC community and their backlash against this game. I know they are the vocal minority as Steam registered over 250,000 people playing the game on the launch weekend, but it’s still distressing nonetheless.

There was a blog post up on Gamasutra titled, “Skyrim, or how not to make a PC game.” Before we begin, this is a blog post and a solitary opinion. This opinion, however, is shared among many in the PC gaming community, a community that I recently joined as of last year to much joy, but many headaches.

In this blog post, the author points out four things that ruin the entire experience of “Skyrim” for him. The user interface, the customization options (or lack thereof), using the console locking out achievements and poor optimization.

First, these are all problems. I will agree that these things should be fixed in later updates or by mods. They do lessen the experience and make it feel like Bethesda did not put much time into the PC version. Todd Howard of Bethesda has always said that the Xbox 360 was the lead platform, so that is not too surprising.

The problem is the author damning the entire game because of these four issues. The entire experience is now ruined because he has a less than satisfactory user interface. The user interface is an issue, but I got past it to enjoy the game and many other people did too.

“Skyrim” is an amazing game worthy of all its praise and this small, but vocal group of PC gamers, are dragging it through the mud because it did not cater specifically to them at launch.

There is a grain of truth to this.

“Skyrim” should have been optimized for the PC, but it wasn’t. Boo-hoo, it shouldn’t make any self-respecting gamer ignore the entire game.

The author then concludes that it is clear the industry does not care about PC gamers anymore. He questions his reasoning as to why he even games anymore. This is just mind blowing to me. In my limited amount of time of playing PC games, I have run into a lot of great games that are amazing on the PC that also have console ports (“Risen,” “Divinity II” and “Metro 2033”).

Sure, the majority of publishers think of the PC port as an afterthought, but they still generally perform admirably and at least they are supporting the PC market again. A few years ago, many publishers were just ignoring it. Give it time and it will get better, trust me.

One last thing on “Skyrim” and Bethesda as a whole, they at least still have support for mods and let players adjust the .ini file to improve their experience. A lot of PC developers don’t even do that these days. I think this shows that Bethesda still cares about their PC audience even if they are taking the easy way out and letting the fans fix it. That’s fine by me as the fans have already created many unique mods and fixes to “Skyrim” in the week that it’s been out.

It’s easy to lament the death of classic PC gaming, but I think it’s getting better than ever. While the games are obviously ports of console games, more and more publishers are letting the community get involved in fixing them.

Some may not like this, but it leads to more people getting involved in making games and improving them. This could even lead to a job, like it has in the past, of fans who made large improvements to games – they were hired on as developers to fix games like “Gothic 3.”

People just need to stop complaining so much and enjoy the game for what it is. None of these problems are game breaking and should not stop your enjoyment of the game. I can confirm right here that the PC version of “Skyrim” is fantastic and is the best version because of mods and customization by fans.

Sheriff’s Deputy Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln) has awoken from a gunshot related coma to find himself in the middle of a post-apocalyptic world, completely overrun by the walking dead.

These zombies that were once productive citizens of Rick’s town now have one single burning desire: to eat human flesh.

Separated from his family, Rick must set out on his own in hopes of being reunited with wife Lori and son Carl. Armed by the scraps of ammunition left at the raided police station, Rick begins his search in Atlanta where there have been rumors of quarantined survival camps at the Center for Disease Control.

Finding nothing but massive hoards of the walking dead, Rick considers taking his own life. Before he pulls the trigger, help arrives in the form of a young man named Glenn (Steven Yeun) searching Atlanta with similar hopes of salvation.

After crossing stories about their previous encounters, the two realize the Rick’s family is alive and camping out in the forest with Glenn and some other survivors. After being reunited with Carl (Chandler Riggs) and Lori (Sarah Wayne Callies) as well as his old partner Shane (Jon Bernthal), Rick is now challenged with keeping them safe while searching for hope in the now zombie infested world.

Like most 21-year-old males, I was excited to indulge in some mindless violence with AMC’s “The Walking Dead”. Expecting nothing more than a gory mess without much substance, I was blown away by depth in character development and quality storytelling. Now that there is a film-quality TV series about zombies (I know right?), fans of the post-apocalyptic genre can now get a weekly fix of intense brain eating action.

I had a very hard time finding any flaws with this series. My only complaint is that the acting of Andrew Lincoln can be inconsistent and even laughable at times. However, I am confident that he will improve his character’s personality and really convince audiences of his role in the series.

But that’s not enough to keep me from strongly recommending this series to anyone. In terms of ratings, “The Walking Dead” had enormous shoes to fill with taking the former time slot of “Breaking Bad” (the best show on television in my opinion).

Without skipping a beat “The Walking Dead” shattered all expectations and now has the highest ratings of any show on cable. This Emmy nominated masterpiece can only get better with it’s talented producers, directors and cast. If you decide to pick this show up don’t skip out on the first season, its brilliant.

Steele’s Reels: 4/5 stars