When it comes to telling our partners what we want, why is it that we sometimes hide our feelings and desires to not, “rock the boat?” Not just in the terms of physical aspect of sexuality, although that’s definitely a part of it; I’m talking about the emotional side of it.

According to an article written in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, by Jocelyn J. Wentland and Elke Reissing, there are several types of casual sexual relationships, such as “friends with benefits” and “one night stands.”

Whatever title(s) your relationship may hold, would you continue to be a part of it if what you wanted was something different?

Hiding our true feelings for someone, all while trying to play it cool, can have damaging effects on our psyches. We start to self-doubt or begin to question our self-worth and sanity.

The “what’s wrong with me,” and “why am I not good enough,” thought patterns start to creep up. Those around us might even start to comment on how ridiculous and absurd we’re being, and yet we knowingly continue anyways.

Maybe the turmoil we feel by hiding our true desires is a form of masochism in which we subconsciously, or consciously, find pleasure. Maybe we’re afraid of being rejected, thus being made to feel less than or inadequate in someway.

Perhaps we’re just scared of the unknown. Whatever the reason, can it really be in our best interest to remain silent?

At what point does sexual desire turn into love? And what about that moment makes us want to keep it inside? Why not tell them? Why not open yourself up to the possibility that you just might be as lovable as they are?

The more pressing question is, when did it become commonplace to be dishonest with our sexual partners? Isn’t this what it boils down to?

If at some point during sexual activity your partner started pulling your hair too tight, wouldn’t you say stop, don’t do that, or simply remove their hand in some sort of sexy way?

If so, why should the yes and no’s of love and desire be any different?

Think how great complete honesty would feel or even how it would feel, if our partner reciprocated our feelings. Being wanted and loved for more than just physical attributes feels way better than self-pity and doubt.

On the other hand, if you tell your partner and they don’t feel the same way, then isn’t a short period of time accompanied by a lot of heartache better than a long period of time accompanied by a dull heartache that never really goes away?

Ladies and gents, do yourselves a favor and be honest with your partner(s). If the dynamic begins to change and you want something different, then tell your partner. You never know, they may feel the same way.

However, if they don’t feel the same way then you’ll have saved yourself the heartache, and just plain misery, that comes with feeling like you’re not good enough.

Mellisa Estebo is a psychology sophomore and host of WRFL’s Sexually Speaking.

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