Coming on strong- how not to scare off that new love interest

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Katie Saltz

If you are lucky enough to have made it through the first date and found a mutual attraction with someone new, congratulations. Now on to a million new ways to screw things up.
All pessimistic kidding aside, a huge mistake many people make in the beginning of a relationship is coming on way too strong. When we find someone we like, it’s easy to get carried away and turn into that person — you know the one: “Have they called? Why haven’t they called? They said they’d call! I’ll call them. Is seven times in a row too many?”
It’s good to get excited about a new possibility, to feel the butterflies in your stomach and all that gooey stuff. But by pushing things too far too fast, you might end up stifling that new flame. Overkill is easily done, so let’s take a moment and consider the flaws in your master plan to hook this person.
Do not go overboard with the texting. That is a sea you will quickly sink in. Texting is a less personal form of communication so it is less intimidating, but you can easily come on too strong, even in writing. Think of every text conversation you initiate as a phone call. One is good. If the conversation carries on throughout the day, then you’re solid. But if the person signals a clear end to the discussion, let it be. Do not pass go, do not send more texts that day.
Find the balance between being coy and being honest. You don’t want the person to think you are not interested or seeing someone else if that’s not the case. Hard to get is a fun game to some extent, but be reasonable about it. Don’t ignore the person thinking it will make them want you more. That is ridiculous and just sends the message you don’t care.
If you like this person, just say it! One text post-date saying, “I had a great time and I’m really looking forward to hanging out with you more,” is all it takes. Do not gush to them about how amazing they are or how lucky you feel to have found them. That gets annoying, it’s uncomfortable and it’s weird. You don’t really know this person yet. So instead of rambling about how super special they are, tell them you are glad you are getting to know each other because they seem like a great person.
Telling all your friends about the date is a normal reaction. You want them to share in your excitement and you will obviously ask for their approval eventually (you know we all do that, don’t pretend.) But keep it cool. If you act like you found your soul mate and then things don’t work out, you will have to go through the awkwardness of telling your buds, “J/K, not actually dating super-amazing-flawless person anymore.”
And, of course, Facebook always seems to come into play when talking about dating in college. So don’t be a stalker. Finding out some of their likes is OK to do, but when you start analyzing every wall post by a member of the opposite sex or obsessing over pictures of them with a possible ex, you cross the bridge into crazy-person town. Understand that they have a life completely separate of you, and you might one day become a part of it, too.
Katie Saltz is a journalism senior.