Katie Saltz
The green-eyed monster. One of the seven deadly sins. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. However you look at it, jealousy is an emotion that is never good for any relationship, right? Not exactly.
Jealousy is something we all have. You wish you had her dress, his car, that cell phone or even … his girlfriend, her boyfriend. While jealousy can lead to some pretty icky situations or just overall epic relationship failures, jealousy can serve a healthy function in relationships.
Any couple that swears they don’t get jealous is just full of it. I don’t care who you are or how secure you are in your relationship; you get jealous. It is nothing to feel bad about — jealousy is a basic human emotion. You’re perfectly fine that he is still such good friends with his ex. False. You have no problem with guys hitting on her at the bar. Lie.
But what positive function does jealousy have? For the person feeling it, maybe none. But for your partner, it can make them feel wanted. When your partner knows you are jealous, it reaffirms that you want them. It may seem needy, but it’s true.
Knowing that their partner is a little jealous can make a person feel attractive. It makes them feel desirable, like they are worth being jealous over. Ladies, if an attractive guy is flirting with you and your boyfriend doesn’t care at all, how would you feel? Guys, if you are clearly being pursued by a hottie at the bar and your girlfriend shows no sign of jealousy, does that not bother you in the least?
We can pretend like we wouldn’t care, but deep down it might sting. No one wants to feel expendable, like their partner isn’t worried about losing them. Jealousy tells you that your significant other cares and wants to keep you.
Now a small, scarcely-used dose of jealousy can be good medicine for a relationship, but this is a feeling that can become a problem quickly. Jealousy overload is a relationship killer and can border on dangerous. If you feel your sweetie is turning an ugly shade of green, do not put up with it. It is easy to tip the scale and go from harmless jealousy to “Fatal Attraction†crazy.
If you sense your partner is overly jealous, or if you feel you have to alter your behavior to prevent a jealous episode, please rethink your relationship. Too much jealousy is toxic and can result in violence if you are not careful.
Talking about jealousy when it occurs is a good way to avoid bigger fights later and recognize bad envy levels early. Most of us don’t want to risk sounding clingy, but solving jealousy issues is as simple as, “Hey, it bothers me when this happens.†This gives your sweetie that subtle confirmation that you care while addressing the issue at hand.
Jealousy is an unavoidable part of relationships, so we might as well see what positive value it can have and work for just that.
Katie Saltz is a journalism senior. E-mail theheartbeat@kykernel.com.
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