Bar flirting etiquette: Tips for saving money, sending out the right signals

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Of all the conversation starters that occur at bars, the number one flirtation technique has to be that old stand-by: “Can I buy you a drink?”

That line is classic, it’s cool, but it’s a concept that has become severely warped for our generation. Over the past few months, I started observing people as they offered, rejected or accepted free drinks at bars. The results left me greatly disheartened. So here is a little bar etiquette I think we need to reclaim.

I thought it would never have to be said, but clearly I was mistaken — proper pick-up etiquette demands that the words “how much?” never be used when flirting. Ever. Unless your target is in fact a prostitute, leave pricing out of it.

A guy offered to buy my next drink at a bar over the summer, but before I could answer, he shocked me by pointing at my cup and saying, “Oh wait — how much does that cost?”

Apparently $5.25 was a little steep for this fellow. I’m sure he moved on to find the girl who was downing the $1.50 PBRs.    I don’t exactly consider myself to be super-classy by any stretch, but I still know tacky when I see (or hear) it.

I understand that times are tough and many of us are counting every penny. But if you don’t have the cash to pay for a shot of premium liquor, maybe you should use a different flirting technique. Like starting a conversation. I wouldn’t judge a guy for not offering to buy me a drink. So why pull that card out of your pocket when you have some self-imposed monetary restriction? Seriously — you might as well just say, “Hey there, can I order you something off the dollar menu?” or, “Baby, it’s happy hour and I’ve got a coupon — let’s get crazy!”

While it is always nice to be offered a free drink, it’s really not necessary. And any girl who demands free booze before she will allow the flirting to commence probably isn’t interested, or worth it, anyway.

Another touchy subject I’d like to bring to the attention of the male population — ordering for the girl. You may think it’s chivalrous, but it usually just pisses me off. Let the girl choose what she wants to drink. Don’t assume you know what she wants, because that sends the message you will probably be controlling in other facets of a relationship as well.

On that same note, ladies — don’t take advantage of the guy offering to pay for your next drink. Don’t order something ridiculously expensive just because it’s free, and don’t accept more than one drink if you know you have no intentions of pursuing this guy ever again.

Abide by the rule, “If you accept a drink, you should talk to the person long enough to finish the drink.” It’s only courteous. Taking free stuff and then running back to your friends to laugh about the dude who just tried to hit on you is an uncool move, every time. Attempt a conversation first. If there is no connection, so be it. But don’t run up someone else’s bar tab when you have no intention of talking to them after last call.

It’s a great ice-breaker to buy someone a drink, but with that deal comes a lot of strings. So fellows, don’t be cheap and don’t be assuming. And gals, don’t lead on a guy just for a free drink. Let this practice become something that it once was — a classic route for an introduction.

Katie Saltz is a journalism senior. E-mail theheartbeat@kykernel.com.