Column by Jacob Sims

Not long ago, I literally laughed out loud when I read an article about a county judge overturning a ban on saggy pants. Riviera Beach’s ordinance banning saggy pants — overwhelmingly approved by voters — is unconstitutional. County Judge Laura Johnson held that no matter how “tacky or distasteful” the fashion style, freedom of choice and liberties guaranteed under the 14th Amendment must prevail.

The county government was charging a $150 fine for first-time offenders of this law and $300 for second-time offenders. After that, it was considered a misdemeanor. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Will Rogers once famously stated, “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” This is surely the case.

After making fun of Russia for their ban on emo and gothic music (because it was a dangerous teen trend that encouraged depression and suicide) and the United Kingdom for discussing the ban on the sport of football (because a kid had gotten hit in the head by one), it is embarrassing at how bad the government’s ‘nanny’ state mentality has gotten here in the U.S.

New York and California are among the worst. New York City voted for a $1,000 fine for feeding pigeons. They even wanted a “Pigeon Czar” for overseeing the “war on droppings.” They followed New Jersey’s steps in banning aluminum bats in high school baseball games. And for future travelers to NYC, if you are on a subway, don’t drink coffee, wear inline skates, straddle your bicycle or prop your feet up on the seat. Those are all banned too.

The San Francisco Bay Area put regulations on fireplaces in private homes prior to another city in California putting a ban on smoking inside private homes, both for “safety issues.” Los Angeles even banned cursing for a week.

One of the most comical bans is in Los Angeles, when they banned bacon-wrapped hot dogs. As Terrence Powell of the L.A. County Health Department stated, “Bacon is a potentially hazardous food.” And what is the consequence if you are found selling this “hazardous food”? The government charges a $1,000 fine or up to 6 months in jail if you don’t go through the bureaucratic red tape of attaining three different permits and purchasing a $26,000, city-approved street cart. It’s a good thing L.A. doesn’t have to worry about crimes such a robbery, rape and murders, so they can focus on the bacon dog offenders.

You name it, and there has probably been a ban or attempted ban on it. Several towns and counties have banned outdoor grilling. Seattle placed a ban on beach bonfires because they contribute to global warming. Utah banned fruity alcoholic beverages. Dallas banned cigars to reduce the consumption of marijuana. The Dallas SWAT team was used to arrest people for playing poker after a ban on gambling. Hawaii tried to ban owning pit bulls. The U.S. Congress and California placed a ban on incandescent light bulbs. Alabama and Arkansas both tried to ban books with gay or lesbian characters. Many books in the U.S. have been banned because it was necessary for “public safety” or “obscenity.” Maryland and North Dakota both banned exotic dancing. A Missouri town outside of St. Louis attempted to ban table dancing, drinking contests and cursing in privately owned bars. Even in Kentucky, our government placed “sin taxes” on alcohol and tobacco.

There have even been several bans placed on trans-fat, which is included in some fast food and snack foods like doughnuts, fried chicken, french fries, cakes, et cetera. Heck, they even have their own Web site!

What is even more entertaining is what bans have been placed on schools or within schools. A school in Massachusetts banned an ice cream social fundraiser because it didn’t follow the “Wellness Policy.” It was a similar story for an 8th grade honors student who was suspended and severely punished because he bought a bag of Skittles, which also didn’t follow the “Wellness Policy” (this has recently been dubbed “Skittlegate”). The University of Florida is presently trying to ban keg stands, beer pong and other drinking games. Currently, there are 43 college campuses that have campus smoking bans and it seems UK will be added to that list if President Lee Todd gets his way.

If you’re anything like me, you have gotten a nice chuckle out of these examples of the idiocracy that we call government. That is, except after the humor subsides, it isn’t funny.

How is it that such a small percentage of the overall population can dictate to the entirety how they are to live their lives?     Do they think we don’t know smoking is unhealthy or that bacon dogs are fattening? Do we really appear that helpless? Until my actions interfere with another, how is the government sovereign?

The government or the majority force and enforce their values upon the whole population. At the end of the day, government functions under the assumption that they know better than we do for ourselves. The government reigns supreme only because we allowed it to be so through our own submissions to the state’s will.

Jacob Sims is a political science and history sophomore. E-mail [email protected].